Interviews With Celebrities: Jason Statham

Jason Statham

Welcome to Girl on the Contrary’s weekly and imaginary celebrity interview. Featured this week is Jason Statham. He was requested by Pkitass and also fulfills Jules request for someone British. That’s called multi-tasking. And away we go!

GotC: I’m not the kind of interviewer who asks fluffy questions. All my questions are hard-hitting and sometimes even controversially hard-hitting. You got a problem with that? (She says in a fake Brooklyn accent she thinks makes her sound tough)

Jason Statham: Uh….no. Have at it. 

GotC: You’re Mom will have at it. 

Jason Statham: That seems wildly inappropriate. 

GotC: You’re right. I’m so sorry! (Back to sweet Texan self) 

GotC: Ok. How many abs do you have? Because it seems like you have more than most. 

Jason Statham: That’s a hard-hitting question? 

GotC: Inquiring minds want to know. Also, it’s hard hitting because I bet if I punched you in the stomach then my fist would break. It doesn’t get more hard-hitting than that. 

Jason Statham: To answer you’re question, I’ve never counted my abs. 

GotC: May I count them? 

Jason Statham: No, no you may not. 

GotC: Would you punch me if I tried? 

Jason Statham: Of course not! But I wouldn’t let you count my abs all the same. 

GotC: I bet you could kick my ass. 

Jason Statham: I would never do that. 

GotC: Why? Because I’m the damsel in distress and you’re the rough but lovable protagonist of this tale? 

Jason Statham: You’re mental. 

GotC: But you fancy me right? 

Jason Statham: Yeah, a little bit. 

GotC: It’s because, like the characters you play in movies, you fancy the girl who may or may not be dangerous and who you know will get you into all kinds of trouble. 

Jason Statham: What kind of trouble do you think you could get me into? 

GotC: Like, if we were at a restaurant and I filled my purse with the individual packets of sugar on the table. I bet they would really frown on that. 

Jason Statham: Are you having a laugh? 

GotC: Always. 

Jason Statham: I’m not sure I get it. 

GotC: Bless your heart. 

Jason Statham: Thanks. 

GotC: It’s not a compliment. 

Jason Statham: Umm….

GotC: If you’re uncomfortable, feel free to take off your shirt. 

Jason Statham: Yep. That’s it. I’m off. 

GotC: See you in my dreams. (winks in a way which she thinks is seductive but is just really awkward)

FIN

Who would y’all like me to imaginary interview next week? It can be any celebrity, dead or alive, pretty or ugly, successful or Lindsay Lohan.

22 thoughts on “Interviews With Celebrities: Jason Statham

  1. Yay!!! Thanks, GotC! This was awesomely British. And you know what? Lindsay Lohan could be a pretty hilarious imaginary interview. Just think of the drinking tips she could give me. I mean, you.

  2. Dude…. le faint!!!
    I love that man… as in …. I would be those screaming idiots trying to get a piece of his shirt.
    This interview, you have no idea, brings happiness to my heart.
    And thats probably how he might sound… exactly.
    I think I may now have a crush on you too.
    You sound like Jason!!

  3. You tactifully avoided questions about his choice of movie roles.

    “Italian Job and Transporter (the first one), and then you follow up with Crank, Transporter 2, and whatever that stupid sword movie was?… WTF?”, could have created an awkward atmosphere.

    Ok.. so attempting to get him to take his shirt off made it awkward anyway, but it was a funny kind of awkward 🙂

  4. My Jason Statham impression consists entirely of his line in Snatch: “Diamonds? What do I know about diamonds? I’m a boxing promoter.” It’s dead on. I can do no other words or phrases as Statham. Impressed? Sure, who wouldn’t be.

    As for interview suggestions, that’s a tough one. Perhaps sultry and exotic silent film star Theda bara? Now there’s a ribald and titillating interview just waiting to happen!

    Yeah, I’ll keep thinking.

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