Yo Mama is Gingerbread!

Gingerbread

Yesterday, a guy referred to me as “gingerbread”. Gingerbread?! Gingerbread?! I was like “Yo Mama is gingerbread!”

You might be thinking, “But wait Gotc! Gingerbread is delicious and yummy- that’s a compliment!” But it wasn’t. It. Was. Not. He meant it as an insult to me- like I’m young and inexperienced and a goody-two-shoes. And he also said it in a really negative way, so it was obvious what was up. And I was angry. Real angry. I mean, if I’m any type of dessert, I’m obviously alcohol drenched lady fingers (also known as tiramisu), or like rum cake, or at the very least, a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie. He better recognize! I’m crazy and adventurous and totally unpredictable. I’m a wild child. He doesn’t know me- he does not even know me!

And you know something else? Gingerbread is actually full of spices and is the most popular human shaped cookie in the world. It deserves a lot more respect than he was giving it. Him, with his tone of derision and condescension and other nasty sounding words that end in -sion. I mean, what type of dessert does he think he is? Answer- he doesn’t even deserve to be a dessert.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to cover his car in gingerbread batter and then let the hot Texas sun bake it solid. That’ll teach him. Also, it will probably feed some pretty hungry wild animals.

49 thoughts on “Yo Mama is Gingerbread!

  1. i must say, that fruitcake is much maligned.
    granted, it will not upend cheesecake, creme brulee, mousse (of any flavor), key lime pie, or even oreo cookies. but in and of itself, if you can find one that hasn’t been passed down for generations, i.e., a “fresh” one, (very rare), a bite or two of it is pure heaven. but just that. a big chunk? a slice? too much.
    but sitting around the christmas dinner table, after a wonderful meal, in the midst of pies, cakes, cookies, (dare i say gingerbread?………LOL), and love, a bite or two of a good fruitcake is truly a joyous thing.
    just one man’s opinion.
    thanks gotc. great column.
    david

  2. Clearly if he is a dessert it’s one of those fruitcakes that gets re-gifted a thousand times. They can be variously described as dense and thick with a distinct brick-like characteristic. And people are always trying to get rid of them.

  3. I wouldn’t mind being called a Gingerbread (I instantly think of being a spicy red-head and think that is totally great), but using this method to insult people? He is such a diabetic cookie. For real yo.

  4. Craig says:

    Ok, so I am without electricity for five days and I come back to someone calling you “gingerbread”?! For reals? I don’t know if being called “gingerbread” is worse than using “gingerbread” as an insult. I mean, calling someone gingerbread is very… gingerbread. 😉

  5. Hm, sound like a man without a sweet tooth. We all know they’re rubbish! and, with his arguing and analysis skills we should pity him rather than anything else… Poor fellah!

  6. Not being a fan of gingerbread myself, I’d also have been massively insulted. And, having a way with words, as I do, I’d have told him I was going to shove my gingerbread foot up his ass until his cake eating pie hole could wear it as a hat.

    Well, maybe I wouldn’t have actually said that, but definitely something along the eloquent lines of “You think I’m gingerbread? Eh? Eh? Well than eat me!”

    Or I might have just flipped him a gingerbread bird.

    1. Thanks for the love! I tried to comment on your blog but it wouldn’t let me comment as “girlonthecontrary” so I’ll put my thoughts here- I actually like some tattoos but don’t have any myself because I can’t imagine liking something forever (you know, me being so contrary and all). But, I have to admit, I’ve seen some guys with “sleeves” (when their arms are tattooed from shoulder to wrist) that are pretty hot. Of course, we ladies love our bad boys. 😉

  7. Just another example of the lack of civility in our public discourse today. Clearly the slur was intended as inflamatory rhetoric designed to fan the flames of desert envy. I stand with you and call for this to stop now! Next we’ll be pitting the have-frostings against the have-not-frostings…. where will it all end?

    I’ll tell you where it will end. When the fit hits the shan we’ll all find ourselves reduced to nothing more than animal crackers in a crumb filled wasteland…..

    1. Why can’t I write something like “We’ll all find ourselves reduced to nothing more than animal crackers in a crumb filled wasteland”? The brilliance of that statement just made my day. Made. My. Day.

      1. mine too. made my day. brilliant turn of phrase. as well as “the have-frostings” against the “have-not frostings”. simply marvelous.

  8. That’s the worst insult I think I’ve ever heard. It’s like he heard someone called an “oreo” and/or a “twinkie” and figured dessert-based mockery was the new thing, and just winged it from there.

    I’m leaning toward creme brulee for myself, but I have to give it a good think. Don’t want to rush anything.

      1. being a gay man, i’m thinking if i were a dessert i would be a “cream puff”. or is that too obvious? or perhaps a bit of a “trifle”….

  9. Serenely Rapt says:

    Unforgivable..!

    I mean one wouldn’t have minded so much if one were called gingerbread by a guy who know one.. but to be called that by a guy who ‘doesn’t even know’ one… why… that is gross abuse..!

    Good you stood up to him. I expect he came from a whole line of gingerbread mamas.. the poor fish.

    *snort*
    Dagny

  10. Ha! Bless his heart, he sounds like boiled lima beans to me. I love the battered-car idea. Let me know if you need help. I make really good cookie dough.

    P.S. – At least he didn’t go near your gumdrop buttons. (…Sorry. I had to. That’s one of my favorite movie lines – ever.)

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