The Other Night- It Got REAL.

To all the men reading this- I’m so sorry, I’m afraid you are not going to like this post at all. It’s very female indulgent. So, if you like, you can skip to the comments and start a conversation about football. I’ll get you started – I think Bill Belichick is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. Also, a terrible dresser.

Bucket of Chicken

Ok- Ladies, I hope you’re still with me because I think you might be able to relate to what happened to me the other night. I was feeling very hormonal, you know, because of Aunt Flo and all that, and literally spent the day dreaming of buckets of fried chicken. I always crave fried foods when my hormones are waging war on me, but this time, I wasn’t able to resist. Β Cut to me, with a bucket of fried chicken, sitting on the floor of my apartment, watching romance movies, crying, and talking out loud to myself. That happened. That happened for real. And maybe it sounds pathetic but I have to be honest with you guys- it was kind of hilarious. For like 2 hours, I was every female stereotype that scares the hell out of men. And I knew it. I knew I was acting like every female characterization that I hate to see in movies, but instead of making me angry, it made me laugh. And then it made me feel really powerful, like I should totally run around town with mascara running down my face and greasy chicken hands and yell at guys, saying things like “Why won’t you love me?” and “You say you’re going to call but I know you won’t. You woooooonnnnnnn’tttttt!!” and “Just hold my hand for a minute. Just a minute. Please. Puhhhhhhhleeeeeeaaaassseeee.”

I think we can all agree that would have been epic. And even though none of those guys would have done anything to deserve that type of treatment from me , I think we all know they deserved that treatment from some girl, so why not me? Β I also think we can all agree, it got real for me on Friday night. Really real.

38 thoughts on “The Other Night- It Got REAL.

  1. This reminded me of Bridget Jones. You just needed to add a lot of wine and cigarettes. And, yes, most of the men you were talking about probably had done something to deserve that screaming from a woman. I wish it wasn’t that way, but…it’s a sad fact of life. Hope you are feeling better. Hope you loved every finger lickin minute of your chicken! πŸ™‚ You deserved it! (And some banana puddin)

  2. I packed a bunch of those days into one earlier this summer. Kicked the boys out of the house, watched crappy telly, ate junk and sulked.
    It is amazing how wonderful the day following such a dreadful day usually is. Energy enough to save the world, and then some!

  3. I do chocolate… sweet, tender, delicious, sugary, milky, that melts when you watch it… wait a minute… what date is today?…
    Also, I do Pretty Woman, Gigi, My fair lady and Hitchcock. Weird, I know.
    The preciousness of being woman: the freedom of do whatever you want, without any reason, once a month =)

  4. This is crazy funny! We all have those days. Sometimes I get a kind of pent-up emotional feeling and I know it’s time to watch something like Terms of Endearment or Steel Magnolias. Beaches if it’s really bad. Otherwise, I’m like a ticking time bomb of tears and tantrums.

    Hormones are tricky little demons, but I say give them what they want. When hormones are happy, everyone’s happy.

  5. With me it’s spicy food. My husband knows all the signs now, when I start topping everything with franks red hot – he hides. Because I am a mess too. And because I am not as kind as you are on a regular day – I get evil during my time o month. REAL evil. I can’t even talk about it, because it damages my character it’s so evil. Or at least that is how my husband talks (such a whiner).

  6. Your Aunt is the lady in the Progressive Insurance commercials? That’s so cool…

    Two questions:

    1. Extra crispy, or original recipe?

    2. Eat with your fingers or do you use a spork?

      1. That scores you at 100% on the low maintenance/good taste food test. I’d propose to you, but I’m not Mormon and my Beloved Mrs. Paladin isn’t down with the whole concept of having a Sister Wife anyway.

        I’ll just have to worship you from afar.

  7. Wow… we are in sync more ways then one… if you know what I mean.. ahem.
    Around this time, I crave everything. I just ban myself from TV because I then too become a typical woman.
    Women should have a special prescription for mood relaxers! It should be a law!

  8. “And even though none of those guys would have done anything to deserve that type of treatment from me, I think we all know they deserved that treatment from some girl, so why not me?”

    I’m completely awestruck by the candor in that. Whoah.

  9. you crack me UP! What terrible cliches we are… I know…hold on tight for a money making venture BEYOND the leagues of Bill Gates and Mr ‘I have facial hair’ Branson…let’s open up a…wait for it….BRIDGET JONES THEME PARK…we can have comfort food eating booths with overeating contests…the cry flume where we sit in logs and whoosh through years of womens collected tears and then have the lonely room of mirrors where we sit and cry whilst looking at ourselves with tall eliptical heads or 2inch bodies with 160inch legs and asses the size of tractor tyres….then the ghost train where we get to see the ghostly faces of all the boyfriends that dumped us or didn’t even ask us out in the first place before going on the rollercoaster whilst flayling our arms around and screaming out words of hate and despair…..to coin a phrase of a well known blog comedian…I’m just saying.

  10. Wait, this was Friday? Friday?!? I knew women’s cycles start to sync up when they spend too much time together. I didn’t know reading someone’s blog regularly can do that too.

    Hmm. This explains a lot.

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