To all the men reading this- I’m so sorry, I’m afraid you are not going to like this post at all. It’s very female indulgent. So, if you like, you can skip to the comments and start a conversation about football. I’ll get you started – I think Bill Belichick is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater. Also, a terrible dresser.
Ok- Ladies, I hope you’re still with me because I think you might be able to relate to what happened to me the other night. I was feeling very hormonal, you know, because of Aunt Flo and all that, and literally spent the day dreaming of buckets of fried chicken. I always crave fried foods when my hormones are waging war on me, but this time, I wasn’t able to resist. Cut to me, with a bucket of fried chicken, sitting on the floor of my apartment, watching romance movies, crying, and talking out loud to myself. That happened. That happened for real. And maybe it sounds pathetic but I have to be honest with you guys- it was kind of hilarious. For like 2 hours, I was every female stereotype that scares the hell out of men. And I knew it. I knew I was acting like every female characterization that I hate to see in movies, but instead of making me angry, it made me laugh. And then it made me feel really powerful, like I should totally run around town with mascara running down my face and greasy chicken hands and yell at guys, saying things like “Why won’t you love me?” and “You say you’re going to call but I know you won’t. You woooooonnnnnnn’tttttt!!” and “Just hold my hand for a minute. Just a minute. Please. Puhhhhhhhleeeeeeaaaassseeee.”
I think we can all agree that would have been epic. And even though none of those guys would have done anything to deserve that type of treatment from me , I think we all know they deserved that treatment from some girl, so why not me? I also think we can all agree, it got real for me on Friday night. Really real.