I had another post scheduled for today but then this text message conversation happened with my cousin. This proves how spontaneous and zany I can be- I totally switched up the posts y’all. You can’t even handle my whimsy!
Cuz: Haha, ok. I will get it in by then. If I haven’t, remind me?
Me: I will stalk you.
Cuz: That’s what I want.
Me: It’s what most people want from me.
Cuz: Haha! I believe it.
Me: I know you do. I planted an idea in your head and it grew into a tree. I’m a mind gardener.
Cuz: Permission to use that again on someone else? Or would you like me to quote you?
Me: Obviously, I want credit, but you can use it without giving me credit if you buy me a chia pet.
Cuz: Haha, ehhhh I’ll think about it.
Me: Just in case, I want the one that’s shaped like an owl.
Cuz: Consider it done…if I do it.
Me: You’re both an officer and a gentleman.
Just a note- I will accept chia pets as forms of payment for using any of my quotes. Also, I will pretend to be in your family if you send me a sheep chia pet. Also, also, I will answer all your telemarking calls if you buy me the owl chia pet because I googled it and *apparently* it only exists in my dreams and not in any form of reality. The hippo chia pet will earn you a vlog where I dance and sing a song comprised of curse words. You want that people. You WANT that. Really, there’s a chia pet hierarchy here, don’t be sending me the cat chia pets, that shiz will only earn you an ironic fist bump.