This Is What Family Means Y’all.

hippo chia pet

I had another post scheduled for today but then this text message conversation happened with my cousin. This proves how spontaneous and zany I can be- I totally switched up the posts y’all. You can’t even handle my whimsy!

Cuz: Haha, ok. I will get it in by then. If I haven’t, remind me?

Me: I will stalk you.

Cuz: That’s what I want.

Me: It’s what most people want from me.

Cuz: Haha! I believe it.

Me: I know you do. I planted an idea in your head and it grew into a tree. I’m a mind gardener.

Cuz: Permission to use that again on someone else? Or would you like me to quote you?

Me: Obviously, I want credit, but you can use it without giving me credit if you buy me a chia pet.

Cuz: Haha, ehhhh I’ll think about it.

Me: Just in case, I want the one that’s shaped like an owl.

Cuz: Consider it done…if I do it.

Me: You’re both an officer and a gentleman.

Just a note- I will accept chia pets as forms of payment for using any of my quotes. Also, I will pretend to be in your family if you send me a sheep chia pet. Also, also, I will answer all your telemarking calls if you buy me the owl chia pet because I googled it and *apparently* it only exists in my dreams and not in any form of reality. The hippo chia pet will earn you a vlog where I dance and sing a song comprised of curse words. You want that people. You WANT that. Really, there’s a chia pet hierarchy here, don’t be sending me the cat chia pets, that shiz will only earn you an ironic fist bump.

28 thoughts on “This Is What Family Means Y’all.

  1. Stephanie J says:

    I can’t believe I don’t have the hippo Chia Pet. Just ask Mary about my hippopotamus obsession…

    Adding this to my Amazon wish list NOW.

  2. I will be searching stores and strange people’s houses for your chia pet.
    I will let you know as soon as I find one so you can tell me where to send it.

  3. What if it’s not actually a Chiapet but an old man I call Grampa who is in the middle stages of dementia and sometimes forgets to come his hair and it pops up all over his head?

    Will you accept him?

  4. Craig says:

    I have to say this about the awesome owls that live in the woods across the street from me; their middle of the night hoots are loud enough to entertain if I can’t sleep, but not loud enough to wake me up if I am asleep. A very decent and respectful bird. I can’t say that about all the other annoying birds screaming their heads off at first light.


  5. How do you house-break a chia pet? And I imagine the owl would demand a high perching area. which makes it harder to feed. AT least the Hippo you can leave in the tub. And a chia Cat prefers to rest on a windowsill. Still accessible. The Chia Heads are fun to keep in the fridge. Then send your guest to retrieve a bottle of ketchup for you. Endless fun.

  6. I wish I was half as prolific a blogger as you, switchin’ up posts on the fly because you have just too much to offer! And featuring chia pets, no less. I think I used to have the sheep. That’s telling, huh? I’m going to go see if I can find you a hairy back one.

  7. From your lips to the Chia Pet OverLords ears, darlin….that owl chia pet will be yours, someday. In my family, we don’t give chia pets, definitely too classy. We tend toward lottery tickets (already scratched off), re-gifted items, recycled cards with the previous recipient’s name lined through and your name penciled in, and lots of “bless your hearts”, and you know what that means.
    That vlog does sound intriguing, though.

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