In case you were wondering, the title of this blog should be sung ala the Sesame Street theme song. So, wonder no more.
Listen, I’ve been trying to find a way into Narnia since I was 10 and read all 7 of the Chronicles of Narnia in less than a week. (It’s ok to be impressed by me.) But I have yet to actually find a way there. And some people- ok all people- have told me that Narnia is fictional. And to those people I say “Nie!” and if they don’t understand what I mean by that then it means they haven’t seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail and I want absolutely nothing to do with them because clearly they are humorless robots filled with loose screws and sawdust.
Anyway, after looking in every wardrobe, taking every train on the underground in London, and trying on every ring a magician has ever offered, I have still not been able to make my way to Narnia. Apparently, Aslan wants me to come up with a new way to travel to Narnia. After all, he isn’t a tame lion. (If you don’t get that reference, you probably don’t get this post at all. In which case, I offer up this topic for discussion: BBQ feel free to comment on that instead). So, I’m working on a list of things that I think will earn Aslan’s approval and score me a ticket to Narnia.
1. Eat french toast wrapped in a waffle wrapped in a pancake wrapped in a crepe. Surely, something of this magnitude will open up some kind of cosmic highway. It’s just too wonderful and full of goodness.
2. Sing “If you’re happy and you know it” throughout a scary movie. Courage in a scary situation- that seems right up Aslan’s alley.
3. Read The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe while watching The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe while hiding in a wardrobe with a witch and a lion. C’mon. That HAS to work.
4. Chase a rainbow. Science would have me believe there is no end point of a rainbow. To science I say “Yo momma doesn’t have an end point. Boom!” At the end of that rainbow is my ticket to Narnia.
5. Eat a lot of spicy food. I don’t know why, I just feel like spicy food may be the key here. Also, yum.
One of these has to work. If not, I may need to resort to more extreme measures like sending a Teen Vogue to Vogue or wearing sunglasses at night. I will let you know what happens, unless I don’t, which probably means I made it and you will have to deduce for yourself which one of these worked. (My money is on the french toast, waffle, pancake, and crepe combination I will now affectionately refer to as “fretowafpanepe”)