All my readers keep commenting on my blog saying things like “GotC, please have dinner with me. You are the wind beneath my wings.” and “I would kill a moose to be able to share a meal with you.” And it’s like, I don’t want any moose to die. They’re majestic, ya’ll. But you are right about me being the wind beneath your wings because I actually do control the power of the wind when I concentrate really hard while standing on my head. True story. The point is, I would love to dine with you but it’s a logistical nightmare to schedule all those meals in all those different locations and logistics actually do give me nightmares. But, because I’m so generous and love you all so much despite the fact that you’re kind of strangers and could potentially be moose killers, I decided to write a script for the exact conversation we would have if we shared a meal. That way, next time you’re eating, you can read this out loud to yourself and feel like we’re eating together. Your imagination just got lucky.
GotC: I bet you’re so thrilled to finally meet me! (Said while using jazz hands)
You: You read my mind. I *am* so thrilled to finally meet you.
GotC: Yeah, haven’t I mentioned on my blog I could read minds?
You: No! How very interesting.
GotC: Isn’t it?
You: It is!
GotC: You’re paying for this meal, correct?
You: Of course!
GotC: How very sweet of you! When I’m writing about this meal in my memoirs, I’m going to say I paid for it though.
You: Absolutely. No worries.
GotC: Have you ever thought about time travel?
You: Yes. In fact, I think about it daily.
GotC: I’m so happy to hear that! I worry that people aren’t thinking about time-travel enough.
You: I share in your concerns. All we can do is just get the word out that people need to be thinking about time-travel and hope people start thinking about it.
GotC: Those are some very wise words. I will probably steal them and use them in a blog post.
You: Feel free.
GotC: I always feel free. Especially because I rarely wear clothing.
You: Yes, that makes sense.
GotC: Indeed it does. Well done spotting my sense. A lot of people miss it. Probably because I cover my sense in nonsense.
You: Nobody covers sense in nonsense like you do.
GotC: Oh, you flatterer. (Blushes demurely while secretly basking in the flattery)
GotC: Well, this has been a lovely meal. Thank you so much for reading my blog and for pledging your loyalty to me. I will be counting on that loyalty if you survive the apocalypse all the kids are talking about.
You: Of course you have my loyalty, especially in an apocalyptic scenario. But….uh….we haven’t eaten yet.
GotC: Oh, yes we did. You’re just stunned by my wit and loveliness. You’ll remember it later. Probably.
You: I see. You’re absolutely right of course, your wit and loveliness are dazzling. This has been a delightful meal. The best of my life actually.
Then, I would disappear magically leaving behind the smell of my perfume as the only reminder this meal actually happened. Which it didn’t. Unless it did. It’s hard to tell isn’t it? That’s the beauty of imagination people.