Your Imagination Just Got Lucky

dinner for two
Also, our dinner will be on the beach. That's just how I roll.

All my readers keep commenting on my blog saying things like “GotC, please have dinner with me. You are the wind beneath my wings.” and “I would kill a moose to be able to share a meal with you.”  And it’s like, I don’t want any moose to die. They’re majestic, ya’ll. But you are right about me being the wind beneath your wings because I actually do control the power of the wind when I concentrate really hard while standing on my head. True story. The point is, I would love to dine with you but it’s a logistical nightmare to schedule all those meals in all those different locations and logistics actually do give me nightmares. But, because I’m so generous and love you all so much despite the fact that you’re kind of strangers and could potentially be moose killers, I decided to write a script for the exact conversation we would have if we shared a meal. That way, next time you’re eating, you can read this out loud to yourself and feel like we’re eating together. Your imagination just got lucky.

GotC: I bet you’re so thrilled to finally meet me! (Said while using jazz hands)

You: You read my mind. I *am* so thrilled to finally meet you.

GotC: Yeah, haven’t I mentioned on my blog I could read minds?

You: No! How very interesting.

GotC: Isn’t it?

You: It is!

GotC: You’re paying for this meal, correct?

You: Of course!

GotC: How very sweet of you! When I’m writing about this meal in my memoirs, I’m going to say I paid for it though.

You: Absolutely. No worries.

GotC: Have you ever thought about time travel?

You: Yes. In fact, I think about it daily.

GotC: I’m so happy to hear that! I worry that people aren’t thinking about time-travel enough.

You: I share in your concerns. All we can do is just get the word out that people need to be thinking about time-travel and hope people start thinking about it.

GotC: Those are some very wise words. I will probably steal them and use them in a blog post.

You: Feel free.

GotC: I always feel free. Especially because I rarely wear clothing.  

You: Yes, that makes sense. 

GotC: Indeed it does. Well done spotting my sense. A lot of people miss it. Probably because I cover my sense in nonsense. 

You: Nobody covers sense in nonsense like you do. 

GotC: Oh, you flatterer. (Blushes demurely while secretly basking in the flattery)

GotC: Well, this has been a lovely meal. Thank you so much for reading my blog and for pledging your loyalty to me. I will be counting on that loyalty if you survive the apocalypse all the kids are talking about. 

You: Of course you have my loyalty, especially in an apocalyptic scenario. But….uh….we haven’t eaten yet. 

GotC: Oh, yes we did. You’re just stunned by my wit and loveliness. You’ll remember it later. Probably. 

You: I see. You’re absolutely right of course, your wit and loveliness are dazzling. This has been a delightful meal. The best of my life actually. 

Then, I would disappear magically leaving behind the smell of my perfume as the only reminder this meal actually happened. Which it didn’t. Unless it did. It’s hard to tell isn’t it? That’s the beauty of imagination people.

41 thoughts on “Your Imagination Just Got Lucky

  1. […] I really took his advice to heart even though I don’t want to be famous, I only want to sell millions and millions of books, and go on late-night talk shows, and date a sexy bass player in a rock and roll band, and stay at luxurious places, and be recognized by “regulars” while I’m out shopping for more huge sunglasses to hide my face so “regulars” don’t notice me out in public. Oh, and also I would really like to do something good for the world too. So, you see, my aspirations aren’t to be famous, but I still think it’s important that I stay relevant or people won’t think I’m funny anymore and then I’m going to have to grow-up and stop blogging about imaginary conversations. […]

  2. Hmmm… I woke up at 5am this morning from zombie dreams. There were at least 3 zombie scenarios that I remembered, so I have no idea how long these zombies were plaguing my dreams before I finally woke up. Is this your idea of a joke, GotC? Please use your magic for good and not for evil, twisted practical zombie jokes.

    Okay. So, oh Windy One, tonight I would like to dream about something a little more pleasant. Say, like Chris Pine. Or George Clooney. I believe in you – but remember, white magic!

  3. Thank you for reminding me to think of time travel! I keep forgetting if I should think about it now, or in the future, or if I should have been thinking about it in the past.

    But then I think it doesn’t matter if I thought about it in the past, because when we actually get to time travel, I can just go back in time and think about time travel later. Or sooner. Or…

    I’m starting to remember why I can’t think of time travel much. It makes my brain hurt. Maybe my imaginary dinner with you will help me get over that.

    (Oh, and, good job saving that moose I had my sights on!)

  4. Ummm . There was nothing in plates .(That said If I had to pay up ,I am saving a lot of money ).
    Of course since your charisma is awesome (hmmm) you have already confounded the waiter s (chipmunks ?? )
    So that makes me hungry .
    I need Ice Cream .
    Now is the time to put those cosmic powers to use .(Bankai ,was it ??)
    To save the universe (After Ice cream)

  5. Nice Beach Dinner set up. Can I hire your people?

    I time travel a lot already, so I don’t think much about time-travel. I do, however, obssess about the time when I can afford to upgrade to First Class Time-Travel!

  6. Craig says:

    I think your Jedi mind trick is a little rusty… It’s strong enough to get the image of dinner with you in my head, but the dinner and conversation in my head went in a different direction. In my head there were muppets serving pickle-tini’s and we talked about how time was like one of those children’s books that is divided into three sections and you could change the story by flipping the page on one of the sections. You did, however, vanish before dinner was served leaving only the smell of your perfume… that was impressive I must say.

    Craig

    1. I think the problem is you assumed I used a Jedi mind trick. I don’t know anything about Jedis but I assume they are a cult based in New Mexico. I used magic, but due to an unbreakable vow I made, I can’t reveal what type or what spell I used. I can tell you it rhymes and is in the form of a haiku and is also in Phoenician. Think of our dinner that way and it will go exactly as I planned, unless I change my mind or cast another spell. Please note I am not liable if our possibly imaginary dinner doesn’t go as written in this post. (My lawyers, who are both puppets, and you know how they can be, insist I say that).

      1. Craig says:

        Wait… the power of your magic hinges on how I perceive your magic? That’s voodoo!!! This explains so much.

  7. Poster Sized Photo Print of GotC – $12

    Foam Board and Glue Stick from the Office supply store – $6

    Sitting across a restaurant table from the life sized cut-out of GotC while reading this script – acting out both voices, of course…..

    Priceless.

    1. Ah yes, chipmunk waiters are the only waiters worth having. Nicely added. Dolphins may be a little much….unless they sing and perform synchronized dances, then they’re in perfect taste.

  8. GotC: I would love to invite you to dinner, naturally, however, I fear that awkwardness would become a problem. Like as not, we’d have finished this conversation only to realize we were both talking to other people on our bluetooths (or is that blueteeth?) at which point we’d laugh, realize that wasn’t really a beach but a travel poster hanging in the elevator, and the cloying odor left behind is of way too much patchouli lingering from the type of old lady who never showers, merely adding more perfumed powder each morning and night, who exited the same time I entered. If you’ve ever smelled that smell before then you’ll agree that our not having dinner together is actually for the best. But thank you all the same. You are a treasure.-Janie

  9. I’ve never actually laughed to the point of vomitting..yet…but you are bring me close to this point and I tell you… it feels bitter sweet! Most peoples minds are asleep on the back seat of a richety old bus…but yours GOC, is wheeling around on a unicycle…Splendid choice of vehicular modus operandi! I particulary enjoy the multi coloured streamers flapping furiuously from the spokes…purple and orange are definately your colours.

    1. Well, it’s cosmically connected to me, so it’s less of an issue of forgetting it and more of an issue of not being able to go anywhere without it. Good question that you didn’t ask!

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