Many of you may remember that I caught a bunch of kids smoking weed on the steps of my apartment building a few weeks ago. Well, apparently those stoned kids decided to spread the word that there was a super cool grown-up who lives in building 3 and won’t snitch on you. How do I know that? Because now, instead of stoned tweens, I’m dealing with very randy teen couples.
In the past few days, I have walked in on not one, not two, but three different couples rounding make-out lane heading straight for sex avenue- on the stairs. For real. It’s nothing but sloppy kisses, awkward groping, and chuckles. Why my stairs? Why? You want to know why? Because I was super freaking cool to those stoners and they went and told all their friends how cool I was and now every 12-16 year old in the area comes to my stairs to participate in activities they don’t want to get caught doing. Because I’m cool and they know I won’t say anything to them. Except, I’m not really cool. I don’t say anything to them for two reasons-
1. I’m not their Mama.
2. I think it’s hilarious and it makes for good blogging.
You see kids? I’m not cool. I’m just using you for blogs. I’m actually pretty selfish when you think about it. But there is a limit to my selfishness- I’m getting a little tired of being the “cool” grown-up. I’m sick of having to walk around you while you grab at each other’s naughty bits. It’s become a hassle. Sure, it was pretty funny at first stumbling upon you awkwardly trying to figure out French kissing, but now, it’s gross and frustrating. Like the other day when I had my hands completely full of groceries and I had to literally step over you while you were trying to give each other hickeys, which aren’t a good look by the way, it was really inconvenient and I barely even cracked a smile at your odd and public affection.
So, I guess my question is, how much longer do I have to be the “cool” grown-up? At what point am I allowed to be really grouchy and say things like “Stop putting your paws all over each other, you damn kids! You’re probably all on drugs.” and “You’re the worst generation yet! I fear for our future.” Because I’m only 26, but I feel myself rapidly getting to that point. The stoners were funny. The first awkwardly making-out couple were funny. The second couple of horny teens was amusing. The third couple were just annoying as hell. I’m over it kids. Stop taking advantage of my need for blog topics, or what you refer to as “coolness”, and take your shenanigans elsewhere.
And just a tip, because I’m still being “cool”, maybe the second set of completely visible stairs in building 3 isn’t the best place to participate in shenanigans. Everyone can see you. There is nothing private or stealthy about it. Seriously, there has to be a better place.