I was having a lovely evening with a lovely friend at one of my favorite restaurants last night when disaster struck. A very attractive fellow came to drop off our drinks and then he said….he said….he….I can’t even get it out right now. Let me give you a little backstory so I can work up to saying the thing he said that I can’t say right now because its just too horrible.
My friends and I eat at this place a lot. Like, a weekly basis. All the staff who work there recognize us, including this handsome young fellow who said the thing that I can’t bring myself to tell you. We’re what you would call “regulars”, most the waiters know our orders by heart and the hosts always recognize us when we make reservations. Its our place, you know, like the coffee shop in Friends. So, I’m not new to this fellow. He may not know me well, but he certainly should be familiar with my face and my drink order. I believe I mentioned he’s attractive, but did I mention I think he’s very attractive? Because I do. And I always get a little shy/butterfly bellied when he brings me my drink. And maybe I stare. I’m not sure, but I think I probably stare a little bit. Ok, that’s the backstory. I think I can tell you what he said now…..deep breath….and go.
Him: Mint tea?
Me: That’s me.
Him: Here you go ma’am.
Can you believe that? Ma’am?! Ma’am! He might as well have called me a hideous troll. I mean, I know the argument could be made he was just being polite but that “ma’am” was oppressive and full of disdain. It was like getting slapped in the face. I literally lost my breath when he said it. After he walked away, I leaned in to my friend and said “Did you hear that?” and she was like “Yeah. I hate that. I can’t believe he called you “ma’am”. ” and I was all “Do you think he said that to indicate he does not think I’m cute and would like me to please stop checking him out?” and I think she said she didn’t think that was the case but I’m not sure because I was too busy listening to my own thoughts yelling at me to go buy anti-aging serums and creams and maybe get a facelift and possibly some botox. I couldn’t stop thinking about it- and I’m stil thinking about it because I’m writing a blog post about it and I’m typing really really hard and furiously on my keyboard and if I break it, he owes me a new computer. The nerve! Well, I’ll tell you one thing, I won’t be checking him out any more. Actually, I’ll probably still check him out but I’ll be really mad about it.