Apparently, there are instructional videos for flirting. This is a REAL thing. And by real, I mean real freaking hilarious. Flirting, it’s an art and a science y’all. God bless YouTube.
So, if I’m to understand this absolutely genius video correctly, next time I see a guy I’m attracted to, I should approach him like this: “Hi. I have a positive attitude and a bright smile. This is light conversation. I don’t want to know too much about you. No deep conversations. I’m fiddling with my hair. I’m making you laugh. I’m staring you down. I’m intriguing. You’re fascinating. Do you find me fascinating? Your feet are pointing in my direction so I’m totally going to score with you. ( And by “score” I mean make sweet sweet random stranger love to you). Wink. I’m touching you, but not below the belt. That would be inappropriate.”
Who knew 8 steps was all it took to be successful at flirting? Why don’t they teach this in schools?? Man, our public education system is screwed up. I mean, how could they not teach me this? Finally, all is revealed! Wink, smile, eye contact. All these years I’ve been keeping my eyes shut and grimacing. So that’s what I was doing wrong. And never once, in all my flirting adventures did I stare a guy down while fiddling with my hair. I was sending all the wrong signals by you know, just having a good time. When you’re “on the hunt” you’re not supposed to be having fun, you’re supposed to be acquiring your target and then shooting him in the face or trapping him in a snare. I’m not really sure if that’s how it works, the hunting metaphor throws me off a little bit- it would seem that gun violence and nooses wouldn’t attract many men but, hey, what do I know, they’re the experts.
Long story short, I watched this video like 10 times because I was laughing so hard I kept missing some of the vital flirtation steps. You’re welcome dear readers, you’re welcome.