When I was in university, I had the most amazing date ever in the history of the world. No exaggeration. The funny part, because I know you’re expecting a funny part, is that I didn’t even realize it was a date until it was over. True story.
I was very good friends with this guy, we’ll call him Mr. Romantico, and he and I spent quite a bit of time together and got along splendidly. One day, Mr. Romantico and I were having a discussion about dating and I mentioned that it would be so amazing if a guy sent you a written invitation for a date. About a week later, I received a letter in the mail. It went a little something like this:
Dear Ms. Contrary,
You are cordially invited to attend a dinner party for two at my residence on Friday night. Dress is casual. There will be wine. Please RSVP.
You may think that it was obvious to me that I was being asked out on a date. And to that I say, sure, when I tell you it ended up being a date and with hindsight and all that jazz, it’s easy to know it was a date, but when it was actually happening, it was a lot less clear. Also, fine, I should have known. Whatever.
So, obviously, I accepted the invitation and went to his house that Friday night- still none the wiser that I was actually on a date. When I got there, he had some awesome music playing on his turntables, Mr. Romantico had the best taste in music and he only ever played it on vinyl, and he was making me dinner. Seriously. He made me dinner. It was delicious. It was some type of pasta dish that had lots of yummy vegetables and a fresh tomato sauce and we each had a very large glass of red wine. Basically, he was setting a pretty stellar mood that I was completely oblivious to. Had I known I was on a date, I would have pretty much been swept off my feet.
After dinner and another glass of wine, he taught me how to play chess. I know. I told you it was the best date ever. He was so patient and thoughtful and we laughed a lot and he totally let me win. We listened to some more music and then I hugged him and left. We still saw each other fairly frequently but he graduated soon after and that was that. Although we haven’t spoken in years, when I think about the coolest people I’ve ever known, he is in the top 5. (As a side note, I totally keep a list of the coolest people I’ve known. It really helps me measure my own coolness in comparison.) It wasn’t until I was describing that night to a girlfriend of mine and she said “Um, that sounds like the most amazing date ever.” That I realized I had, in fact, been on the most amazing date ever and not even realized it. How do you say “what a waste” in Latin? I ask for it in Latin because it seems like the right language to really underscore what a waste of a lovely date that was. Also, how do you say “I’m a schmuck.” in latin? I feel like thats a sentence I need to memorize in every language.