I was walking from the parking lot to my apartment last Sunday when my super-sniffer (that’s my nose) picked up a very strong whiff of marijuana smoke. That’s not a smell you mistake, I went to public school people- I know that smell. I figured one of my neighbors was just chilling out with a doobie and didn’t think much of it until about 60 seconds (or, you know, one minute) later when I walked up the first flight of stairs on my way to my apartment and found 3 boys about the age of 12 smoking a fat chillum on the stairs.
The second those hippie kids saw me they totally froze for about 5 seconds. Then they all pulled out their phones and pretended like they were text messaging. Really boys? Really? Who do you think you’re fooling. I know what’s up. I witnessed you smoking the funny stuff with my own eyes. The jig is up kids. I just stood there for a bit, staring them down. I could tell they were terrified. Then, I died laughing. I couldn’t help it, they looked so scared and the situation was just so utterly ridiculous, I had to laugh. I mean, they were smoking the ganja right in the open on the second floor of my building where absolutely anyone could walk up on them, and then when I did walk up on them, they nearly peed themselves. That’s funny folks. That’s comedy.
I found myself trying to work out the reasoning behind their laughable behavior. And sure, I’m no expert on the minds of 12-year old boys, but I think their thought process went something like this.
I need to rebel. My parents don’t pay enough attention to me and the girl I like only makes-out with bad boys. I need to show her I can be a bad boy. I should buy some giggle-weed. Yeah! That’s the ticket! I’ll buy some wacky terbacky and smoke it with my two best dudes and then that super hottie will totally let me go to second base with her. I wonder where I could get some johnson grass? Oh, right! My neighbor is a total tea head, I’ll just offer to walk his dog in exchange for some jolly green. Where should I smoke it with my bros though? My Mom would totally know if I smoked it in the house….hmm….where to light up? Oh! I know. We can walk over to building 3 and hang out on the stairs on the second floor. I mean, only like 8 people live on that floor and like 50 people live in that building and sure, we will be smoking on a weekend right in front of someone’s apartment but that shouldn’t be a problem. This is going to be boss! I can’t wait to get some puff the magic dragon and toke-up with my brosephs. (Throws fist in air)
Yeah, I bet that’s what they were thinking. Thanks for giving me a good laugh kids, but might I suggest that next time you go somewhere you won’t be caught. Not all grown-ups are as cool as I am. Not that I’m cool with you smoking weed, it would probably be better if you just didn’t do that. Just say no children, just say no, because even though I’m super cool- I will never bail you out of jail. Ever.
As a fun game, count how many references I made to marijuana in this post! Submit your answers in my comments section. 🙂