So last night, Jake Gyllenhaal was on Man v. Wild. To say that I was thrilled and a little giddy would probably only cover about 1/10th of what I was feelings. My inner 13 year old was all over this. If you aren’t familiar with Man v. Wild, it’s a show where Bear Grylls (who has the best name ever) drops from a helicopter into the “wild” and shows you how to survive if you ever fall from a helicopter with a film crew into that same “wild”. You may also recognize this show by Mother’s ever popular responses to it such as “Oh. I’m so sure.” and “Oooooh no, Bear is in danger.” (Said in a really sarcastic and hilarious English accent).
Jake joined Bear in a helicopter in Iceland and they traveled to some sort of ice mountain and started walking. Where were they going? No one knows, except the film crew waiting at the designated destination. As luck would have it, there was a vicious snowstorm and Jake and Bear had to find their way with almost no visibility. Such trials only bring them closer, however, and according to Bear, Jake “Has a good character” and “Is afraid of heights with no survival experience.” High praise indeed. But the bro-love didn’t stop there. Jake claimed he would “Follow Bear anywhere” even though at the time he was leading and Bear following. It was a love fest. My favorite quote came from Bear, “You never know when you’re going to need you’re buddy.” Which, I personally think, is the wisest thing I’ve ever heard on reality television. I just may get that tattooed over my heart because it’s such a universal truth. This is what the sarcastic and grown-up part of me thought about the episode. The 13 year old side of me felt a little differently…
Oh my gosh! Jake Gyllenhaal is such a dreamboat. Why is he taking a knife to that dead sheep?? OH! Why, Jake? Why??? It’s ok, I forgive you Jake. Just be careful. Please be careful. If you get hurt I swear on my Tiger Beat that I will avenge your death! The shirt is off! The shirt is off! (At this point, I may have broke into a chorus of Oh Happy Day). All the clothes are back on now.How does he look so smokin hot in all that clothing? It’s like, some kind of magic. Hotness magic. I wish he was high-fiving me. And by “high-fiving” I might mean something different. (Lots of giggling). And then after that I pretty much turned everything Jake said into sexual innuendo. Because I’m really clever. And mature.
Long story short, best episode of Man v. Wild ever! Ever!