Again, I’m Not Your Target Audience

A little while ago, I wrote a post about not being the target audience for the Bruno Mars song ‘Grenade’, and ever since I wrote that post, I find myself dissecting every song I hear on the radio. It’s becoming quite the bad habit and it usually involves me singing along enthusiastically until I realize what I’m saying and then laughing hysterically at the words and then writing a blog post in my head. Being in the car with me is kind of like being in the car with a non-violent maniac. Anyway, on my way to work the other day, I heard ‘Tonight’ by Enrique Iglesias and couldn’t resist the temptation to listen closely to the lyrics. I wasn’t disappointed. I’m also definitely not the target audience.

Tonight

 

I know you want me  Um, conceited much? 
I made it obvious that I want you too Oh, I wouldn’t say composing a sexually charged song was “obvious”. 
So put it on me Put *what* on you exactly? Because if you mean put your coat on you as I send you out the door, I think you’re going to be pretty happy with what’s about to happen. 
Let’s remove the space between me and you Is this some type of physics problem? Or is it existential? 
Now rock your body Like, throw my body against the rocks because this song is making me suicidal? Or did you mean dance?
Damn I like the way that you move Oh, ok. You definitely meant dance. 
So give it to me Give what to you? If you want a present for this song, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. 
Cause I already know what you wanna do You think you know me?! You think *you* know *me*?! I don’t think so pal. 

Here’s the situation With Wolf Blitzer? 
Been to every nation Now, you’re just bragging. 
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do Emasculated? Weak? Nauseous? I need a clue. 
You know my motivation I really don’t think I do. Unless it’s what I think it is. It is, isn’t it? You perv. 
Given my reputation Oh yeah, I’ve heard all about you mister man. And I am NOT impressed. 
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude That’s something people say when they do mean to be rude but don’t want to be called on it. 

But tonight I’m loving you Uh, no you’re not. 
Oh you know No, I don’t. 
That tonight I’m loving you Again, the answer is no.
Oh you know Seriously, I don’t. 
That tonight I’m loving you No means no, dude. No means no. 

You’re so damn pretty Ok. Flattery is good way to recover.
If I had a type than baby it’d be you What’s my “type”? Because if you say “funny” while using sarcastic air quotes, I’m going to punch you in the thorax. 
I know your ready Ready for this song to be over? Absolutely. Definitely. Make that happen. 
If I never lied, than baby you’d be the truth Um…I’m not really that good at riddles. 

Here’s the situation Where the hell is Wolf Blitzer? Is he hiding around here somewhere? 
Been to every nation Braggadocio is very un-sexy. You should know that. 
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do Perhaps you need a Tums?
You know my motivation Yeah, at this point I think I do. And I am NOT having it. Not. Having. It.
Given my reputation For being a douche canoe? 
Please excuse I don’t mean to be rude You do mean to be rude. You do. You do. You. Do. Rude. You. Rude. 

But tonight I’m loving you You’re really not. Not at all. Not even a little. 
Oh you know I know. But what I know isn’t what you think I know. You know?
That tonight I’m loving you Nope. Not happening. On a scale from 1-10, 1 being least likely and 10 being most likely, I would give your chance of “loving me” tonight a 0. 
Oh you know Yeah, I’m not sure you’re picking up what I’m laying down here- which, just to be clear, is NOT my body.  
That tonight I’m loving you  I tried to reason with you, this is just one of those cases where diplomacy failed. Time for the pepper spray. 

I’m sorry, but does this song seem presumptuous to anyone else? I mean, sheesh Enrique, we just met. Put the brakes on. This song has a catchy little beat but don’t be distracted by it! Enrique Iglesias is trying to sex you up. If you’re cool with that, then go for it. But, as he himself said “given his reputation” I would use protection. Like, a hazmat suit. So, again, I’m probably not the target audience here.


19 thoughts on “Again, I’m Not Your Target Audience

  1. Here’s the situation. (Every time I hear that I think of Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore) I would let Enrique sex me up, but really only if he didn’t sing this song first. I like it cuz it’s catchy, and his voice is lovely, but I miss the cute Enrique of my youth. Oh Enrique. It’s okay though, because I still want him. Dont tell him tho, or his ego will explode.

  2. I stumbled upon this at work and died laughing (not literally of course, how would I be posting then?). Good stuff, keep it up 🙂 It keeps me very entertained at work

  3. charleymathis says:

    LOVE THIS. I work for a radio station and I started breaking down songs for fun too. You did a great job. 😀

  4. Just catching up on my blogs post-vacay, and I have to tell you… you have me *LITERALLY* laughing out loud. How did I make it a week without reading you?!? 🙂

  5. Sugar Peep says:

    I wish they’d play this song WITHOUT him singing it.
    The background beats are so good! But I thumbs-down it on my Pandora every time because the damn thing is so offensive! Have you heard his other version? “Tonight I’m F!#$king you!” I was like AW HELL NO!
    //cocky bastard.

  6. I like the song (but the x-rated, because it is just so great to hear the f-word on radio..lol). Honestly, I really like the whole thing, because it makes me wonder if anyone aside from him can actually get away with saying tonight i’m f*ing you and have it go their way. I’d like to see that play out 😉

    On a side note, he makes this oh-wah-oh sound in almost all his songs, and since I love to sing and play, my kids say the sutest little bitsey oh-wah-oh sounds after me 😉 It’s super cute!

    1. I know. When I looked up the lyrics I was shocked! Mr. Iglesias, you’ve got some massive cojones to be saying shiz like that to ladies like us. (Who secretly really like it) 🙂

  7. That’s fairly straight forward…let’s move our lyric analysis to the next level with something from…oh…say, Lamb of God…
    have fun

    All of this comes crashing down,
    Cornerstone’s gone
    Sleepless
    Hopeless.
    No end in sight.
    Ink well has run dry, fill it with blood of the scribe.

    Rest comes easy, to the guiltless
    The vampire laments, as he prays, for the sun.

    Doom, despair, tragedy are the tools of the trade.

    Cut to the bone, rob the grave
    Under the stone, laid to waste.
    Defile the tomb, rip the page
    Striped by the vein, laid to waste.
    Frayed at the edge, flat lined.
    The anvil cracks the hammer,
    Relentlessly comes down.
    A new pariah is born
    Cut to the bone, rob the grave
    Under the stone, laid to waste.
    Defile the tomb, rip the page
    Striped by the vein, laid to waste.

    Chastisement lays you down to sleep, tucks you in with bloody kisses
    Gifts of nightmares bitter sweet.

    Type A negative shuts me down.
    Catch phrase will be death of me.
    Is this not what you came to see?
    What, are you not entertained?

    Climb the walls ’til nails bleed.
    Rip the hair, tear the seams, break the glass.
    Head in hands, bell tolls endlessly
    No end in sight.

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