Ladies, why are we so hard on one another? Why do we spend countless hours berating, degrading, gossiping, and judging one another? Why do we have to put so much effort into hurting one another? How about a little more R-E-S-P-E-C-T and a lot less H-A-T-I-N-G? I don’t get it. I truly don’t. And that’s not to say I’m not guilty of it myself although I would like to think in the past few years I’ve made an effort at being more encouraging and supportive to my fellow females.
I started really thinking on this after attending a friends party. I had the following conversation with a friends girlfriend.
Her: Did you dye your hair blonde?
Me: I did indeed. I thought it would be fun to change it up a bit.
Her: Well, it looks a lot better than that ugly color you had before.
Me: Actually, that was my natural color.
Her: Exactly. So, are you dating anyone?
Me: Not at the moment no.
Her: Yeah, I don’t think most guys go for your type.
Me: What type am I?
Her: You know, “funny” (she was using sarcastic air quotes).
Usually, I wouldn’t let someone get away with talking to me like this without handing them a very large can of verbal whoop ass, but I didn’t want to make a scene at the party. Afterwards, though, I got a little angry. Not because she had insulted me but because I felt like she was slapping female solidarity in the face. Why couldn’t just talk about period cramps and preferred tampon brands? Or, failing menstruation chatter, couldn’t we talk about the one thing we have in common besides our vaginas, which is her boyfriend and my close friend. If it wasn’t for him, she and I wouldn’t even know or speak to one another but because we both care about him, shouldn’t we at least make an effort to be polite if not friendly to one another? I’m happy to be civil but she was determined to try and start something that would no doubt lead to fisticuffs. Why?
I don’t have the answer to this question but I see evidence of it everywhere. It’s particularly apparent and virulent in middle and high school, and there seems to be misconception that we grow out of it. Some of us do. Most of us don’t. But why does it even start? Who told us we are in constant competition with one another and that every chance we have, we need to humiliate, shame, and metaphorically piss all over one another?
Well, I’m not going to do it. Not. Going. To. Do. It.
I propose a girl code. And not just the girl code you already know about like, don’t flirt with other girls boyfriends/husbands. This is a new girl code.
1. Don’t hate on a girl if you don’t have a reason to hate her. Being pretty, smart, funny, or Gisele Bundchen, is not a good reason to hate someone. If they ran over your dog, hate away.
2. If your boyfriend/husband has a nice friend who is a girl- that doesn’t give you automatic license to criticize her everything. She probably doesn’t want to sex up your man. Unless she does and tells you or him she does, then criticize the hell out of her.
3. Don’t flirt/sleep with other girls boyfriends/husbands. I know I said this wasn’t a part of this code, but it’s a respect thing, ok? Just don’t do it. If you are flirting/sleeping with a guy and he doesn’t tell you he has a girlfriend/wife then he is the major douche-bag, if you know about his relationship then you join him in the douche-bag hall of shame. Again, this is a respect issue. Respect her, and respect yourself.
4. Say something nice. You don’t have to say something nice if you don’t really feel or think it, but when you see a girl with a cute new haircut, or cute shoes, or a pretty top on, tell her you think so. Sew the seeds of positivity within the female ranks.
5. When all else fails, operate under the laws of common human decency.
Are you with me ladies?? If so, raise your bras in the air! Together we can eliminate like 85% of the worlds bitchiness. True fact.