What I Know About Guys Could Fill This Blog Post

Love

Sometimes, girlfriends of mine ask me for advice on guys. Why? I have no clue. It’s not as if I lead by example. Although, I do talk a good game. And I’m pretty sure all my advice is brilliant. So, I guess that’s why they ask. Anyway, I thought I might share some of my guy advice here, that way I can just tell my friends to read my blog when they ask for my thoughts on their romantic situations.

Here’s what I know about guys.

1. Food does work. Bake some cookies, cupcakes, or something else sweet, they like that. Unless they have some type of allergy- in which case, you might have caused them to be really sick. Probably not going to work out with that guy.

2. Smile. I heard somewhere that guys like happy looking girls. But don’t smile if you don’t feel like it. I heard guys don’t like girls who act fake.

3. If a guy shows up somewhere with a girl, it is NEVER his sister. Never. It’s always his girlfriend, date, girl he wants to date/make-out with.

4. Burping on a first date is never a good thing. From you or him.

5. Try and laugh a lot. I have no proof that this is something guys like but it seems like if you’re going to be spending a lot of time with someone you might as well be laughing.

6. Don’t make excuses. If someone treats you poorly, end it. You deserve better.

7. Use mouthwash. Frequently.

8. Probably best not to let him read your blog for a while. That could just be me though…

9. Curl your eyelashes. Every one of my best romantic experiences has occurred when my eyelashes were curled. You do the math.

10. Don’t overshare. Too much too soon is just too much. Trust me, he doesn’t want to know about how gross and pus-filled your throat got after your tonsels were taken out. Also off limits (at least at first) would be anything to do with your menstruation, pooping, zits, or how much weight you’ve gained recently.

And that’s about it. Usually any problem you are having with a guy you like or are dating can be solved by one of those 10 things. You’re welcome.

15 thoughts on “What I Know About Guys Could Fill This Blog Post

  1. I once went to the trouble of baking an assortment of delicious fancy homemade cookies for the birthday of a guy I was kinda starting to date. He texted me later saying his “family loved them.” I asked if he got to eat any, and he replied with “Nah, not much of a sweet tooth boy.” Umm. OK. That and the fact that he was 25 and living with his parents at the time should have signaled to me that something was off. And it only got more disturbing from there. Needless to say, that didn’t last long.

  2. Excellent!!!
    FYI Food works for some girls…especially me!
    I think the true secret out of all this is using mouthwash!
    Write a book! This is all golden!
    So why aren’t you married,, divorced, married and divorced???

  3. Very funny but genuinely good advice.

    I like girls who smile and laugh. If someone asked me if I had a type I wouldn’t answer brunettes or blondes–I would answer, “Happy.” Sometimes I’m with guy friends and we see a beautiful girl frowning in the corner, and we all agree she’s gorgeous but nobody is attracted to her. And other times we meet a girl who really shouldn’t be pretty, but she laughs and smiles and has such positive energy that everybody falls in love with her.

  4. Wow, I learned a lot about my kind. Thanks!

    A couple of things:

    3) You’re spot on with the first part of this (being as I don’t have a sister), but I have had some very good women friends — most of whom I did not want to make out with — so a guy out with a girl isn’t *always* on a date. But, yeah, most of the time he probably is.

    4) I think this depends. If you’re a burper, isn’t it just as well to learn whether your date can accept you just as you are (or, better yet, is himself a burper, possibly even a world-class burper who can burp the National Anthem in two breaths and could teach you to take your burping to new heights)? Of course, if it’s him who is the burper, I guess it comes down to whether or not you think you can change a burper’s behavior. (My personal belief is, once a burper, always a burper, but I could be wrong.)

  5. From the guy’s perspective…
    1. even with the allergies, go with the food.
    2. True and true.
    3. Unless it’s his mother, or someone old enough to be his mother, in which case run in the opposite direction.
    4. Yeah, that’s probably safest
    5. Unless you have one of those screeching or mr. ed type laughs. you might want to keep that under wraps for awhile.
    6. yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.
    7. optional as long as you brush your teeth more than once a month.
    8. probably best until psycological stability is verified.
    9. really optional…unless it’s a superstitious thing like baseball players wearing the same socks for every game
    10. amen.

  6. dammit, and i’ve been using poop jokes to break the ice on a first date all these years… then again, those dates rarely lead to second-dates, so maybe I should have been wise to that rule before this. 🙂

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