Flirtation Failure- Grocery Store Edition

Jake Gyllenhaal
This guy was at my grocery store! Well, not this guy. Someone who looked like this guy.

My family and I joke about the grocery store I go to. We call it the “old people HEB” because it is always very crowded with senior adults. This is one of the reasons it’s my favorite grocery store. Senior adults are usually so sweet and they never run into you with their carts because their carts aren’t moving nearly fast enough. Also, they appreciate good manners and politeness and I too appreciate those things so we get along swimmingly in a grocery store situation. For example:

(A sweet senior adult lady is stretching to reach the top shelf)

Me: Excuse me, can I get that for you?

Her: Yes, thank you so much! Would you like a hard candy?

Me: I would! Thank you! Have a nice day.

Her: You too dear.

See? Senior adults are my people, y’all. So, going to my grocery store has always been a pleasant experience for me. But there is a dark side to my grocery store that I uncovered on Monday. I hadn’t made it to the grocery store over the weekend and was didn’t think I could survive off of Brita filters and licorice so, I decided to stop by the grocery store on my way home from work to pick up some fundamentals (like more licorice). The parking lot was pretty full and as I walked into the store, I realized why. My “old people HEB” had turned into “Hot guys on their way home from ย work HEB”. I. Was. Shocked. I literally checked to make sure I was in the right place. There wasn’t a senior adult around but the place was absolutely overflowing with attractive men. What?!

I’ll be honest. I panicked. Despite the fact that I was wearing a very cute outfit and had actually managed to remember to put make-up on that morning I was NOT ready for a potential flirtation experience. I need to prepare for these things. Alas, there was no time to prepare and also no food in my apartment so I just had to soldier on and do my grocery shopping surrounded by hot guys. What a world!

With no where to hide, I had to adjust my usual methods of avoiding attractive guys. Basically, I employed a strategy of “If I don’t look at him he can’t see me.” Which is probably the most mature thing I’ve ever done. I just kept my eyes on my grocery cart and my feet moving. Sure, I had to do like, 3 laps around the store because I kept missing things,but overall I think it worked fairly well. Except with one guy. Apparently, this guy (who looked a bit like Jake Gyllenhaal) had the exact same shopping list as I did because we kept crossing paths. So frustrating and awkward (for me not for him, he had no idea how awkward it was). ย I somehow made it through this taxing ordeal, checked out, and walked out to my car. Then I saw him again, his car was parked right next to mine! Goodness gracious- was there no end to this horror??! Luckily, he was too busy putting his groceries away to notice me. I practically launched my groceries into my truck, threw myself into the drivers seat and sped out of there. So….that happened.

This is a fail, right?

16 thoughts on “Flirtation Failure- Grocery Store Edition

  1. this post is so hilarious and so funny! i love the way you put the exact words your thinking down onto paper, and it sounds amazing! I do this all the time with hot boys, but i’m still in school, so haven’t had any food shopping horrors(yet), i’ve subscribed to your blog, cannot wait to read more!

  2. mustlovemusic82 says:

    I just found your blog and you hilarious! I thought I was the only one knew about the “if I don’t look at them they can’t see me method” with hot guys. Love your post!

  3. Oh my, you are really testing and frustrating cupid .. he was basically throwing this guy at you.
    Maybe instead of thinking “flirting” (that is too much pressure) .. could you imagine them as they will look in 30 years so they resemble the seniors you are comfortable with?

    Give cupid a break … some of us are waiting for him to take care of you so he can move on to us. ;0)

  4. yes… it’s a fail. I only wish my grocery store was full of hot guys. Instead of the odd collection of weirdos and oddities who weaving-cart-and-random-sudden-stop through my grocery store. And you did not get your flirt on (*shakes head in disappointment)… but, now you know what time the hot guys come out, that’s a plus! next time, you can be in your flirting groove and ready to go ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. He looked like Jake? I am not moving to your town to go to your store….
    Seriously my breath was taken away!
    That is so … dreamy!!!
    Girl!!!! Get the look a like! Get the look a like!

    Dazzle him with your charm!
    Dazzle him with your wit!
    Dazzle him with your treasure chest!

    I want to be invited to the wedding!

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