I May Not Be The Target Audience

So, I love music. You all know that. I have an entire blog dedicated to it here (Shameless plug I know….) But there are some songs that I love for all the wrong reasons. Grenade by Bruno Mars is such a song. Sure, I think it’s catchy and I definitely appreciate his musical prowess but the lyrics crack me up- not because they are inherently funny but because of what I think about when I hear them.

Bruno Mars Grenade

Easy come, easy go, that’s just how you live
Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give
Should’ve known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open, why were they open? 

Umm, Bruno? Your eyes had to be open to know her eyes were open. So, I think we should call this one even. If your “eyes open during kissing means trouble” theory holds true then you should both be considered trouble. I hate to use logic in light of your obvious pain but….sorry, you’ve been logic-ed. 

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
‘Cause what you don’t understand is

Asking for all of someone’s love is kind of  a lot to ask. I mean, how long did you guys actually date? This just seems very dramatic. Also, where is your metaphorical trash-can? I need to spit my gum out. 

I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya

A grenade? Really? Maybe this type of desperation is what she was picking up on and resisting. You can’t smother a woman like this. A train? A blade? It’s just very gruesome. No one wants to be loved gruesomely. Except maybe zombies. Was she a zombie? (A real one not a metaphorical one).

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won’t do the same

Well, if she is an actual zombie then she can’t die for you. She’s the undead. You really are asking for miracles here buddy. 

No, no, no, no

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Repeating “no” isn’t going to bring her back my friend. This is happening. 

Black, black, black and blue, beat me ’til I’m numb
Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you’re from
Mad women, bad women, that’s just what you are, yeah
You’ll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car

Ahh snap! You’re saying she’s from hell, right??! That’s cold. Unless she really is a zombie, because then she might actually be from hell. Is this whole song an ode to a zombie? Because, aside from me, I think everybody missed the point. 

Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked
‘Cause what you don’t understand is

We’ve been over this. I know you’re upset but repeating yourself isn’t going to make it any more clear why your zombie lover left you. Although, if I had to guess, I think she probably left you to get some more brains to eat. Zombies are notoriously bitchy when hungry.

I’d catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya

Maybe she is the type of girl who doesn’t like guys who say “ya” instead of “you”. I don’t know, I just have heard of that happening before. 

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won’t do the same

I find the depth of your emotion deeply unsettling. Perhaps you would like to talk to someone. You know a therapist? Not me. I wouldn’t be any help at all as you can tell by my commentary. 

If my body was on fire
Ooh, you’d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you’re a liar
‘Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby

Now, how can you know that for sure. She probably did love you as much as a zombie can love anyone. Also, how did your body get on fire? Let me just say, if you ever find yourself on fire do NOT wait for someone else to put you out- you need to stop, drop, and roll instantly. When you’re on fire you need to take the initiative. 

But darling, I’d still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I’d jump in front of a train for ya
You know I’d do anything for ya

Perhaps she found you redundant? 

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won’t do the same

Again, unless your name is Romeo and hers is Juliet, I really don’t think you can expect her to die for you. 

No, you won’t do the same
You wouldn’t do the same
Ooh, you never do the same
No, no, no, no

 If it makes you feel better, I really really think she was a zombie. 

I think I make a pretty good case for this song being about a zombie, but even I have to admit it might not have been intended to be construed as a case of zombie love. What do you think? Zombie love or no?

29 thoughts on “I May Not Be The Target Audience

  1. I think this might be one of the funniest posts you’ve ever written. I was cracking up at work, which means I was risking my job for you. I’d do it again. But would you do the same? I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOU and you wouldn’t even laugh at my blog at work. Jeez.

  2. I want to know how Bruno catching a grenade saves the girl. I mean, if it was thrown at her, and he caught it, he’s nearby. Surely.
    Throw it away! Although, I suppose “I’d catch and immediately (yet safely) dispose of a grenade for you” doesn’t have the same self-indulgent martyr feeling to it.

    (I’m going to go on like this.) Jump in front of a train and, what, stop it? If not you’re just one more corpse on top of what ever was going to happen anyway.

    She’s beating you until you’re numb? Look, Bruno, I don’t like you but you’re lucky to be out of this relationship. What was that girl involved in, having grenades thrown at her, and people trying to shoot at her and run her down with trains (I’m assuming she was tied down…)

    But kissing with her eyes open. Yeah, that’s messed up.

    (Great post by the way)

  3. BWAHAHAHA. I just died reading this. My co-worker and I had been talking about how ridiculous this song was, and I looked up the lyrics and started analyzing them (not nearly as hilariously as this) and I was like, Boy you should have just gone out with someone else! TOO much drama!

    It’s catchy and it gets stuck in your head! I have it on my iPod, me and the Babysaur sing it together. Today in the backseat she was singing with me, step in front of a train for you and then she is all…”MOM! That would hurt! Why would he do that?!”…ah, even a 4 year old sees the illogical nonsense of his song! 😀

    All I could say was “See, sweetie? This is why girls are smart and boys are silly!”

  4. I totally appreciate you giving voice to my inner objections to this song – over the top, guy, just over the top. Hadn’t thought of her as a zombie though, interesting point 😉

  5. 100% Zombie love 🙂 I’ve always hated this song because it’s just… well, you made a good point, but I think I can understand him better now, that I know that he’s in love with a zombie, that must be hard and brain-damaging …

    Your post make me laugh so much every time, that I just had to give you and award – check my latest post for it 😉

    1. That’s a rather negative view of things. Perhaps you’ll never be able to listen to these lyrics again without my voice making them better. Bright side, my friend. Bright side.

  6. lmao… “No one wants to be loved gruesomely. Except maybe zombies”.. right there, has changed how I listen to this song (and then the case for this being a zombie love song through the rest), but this made me laugh out loud dude! I really love the BPM remix of this song (it’s so bouncy!) and now I will have my tunes cranked and I will be laughing at the zombie love.. lol.. I may laugh, but I think your logic is infallible really. 😀

  7. Man this song is really sadistic… the singer doesn’t think much of himself either!!

    He would take a bullet straight into the brain? Why? So she can lay next to a vegetable her entire life??
    Craaaazzzzy!

  8. Laughing. So. Hard.

    This song might be less irritating for me, now that you’ve put it all in the proper perspective. Thanks so much, Girl on the Contrary!

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