I’m Really Real. Really. (Not Really)

Get me off of here. Seriously.

I’m not perfect.* I know I have many faults.** I know that probably comes as a shock to most of you who adore me, but please stop arguing, it’s true. I do have some faults. *** The reason I bring it up is because I think it’s important that you all see me as a real person. A really real person who isn’t perfect. Why is it important that you see me as a really real person? I have no idea. Someone told me that was important and even though I can’t remember who they were or why they told me that, I’m sure they had my best interests at heart. To prove to you how real I am, I decided to list some of my faults.****

1. I always, always, overestimate how much cereal to put in the bowl. I get about 5 spoonfuls in and can hardly eat anymore, but that has yet to stop me from filling the bowl too full the next time. I blame cereal for looking so delicious and my stomach for being such a liar about how hungry it is.

2. I frequently start my laundry only to forget about it and not get back to it until two days later. Nothing like a sopping wet towel to dry you off after a shower.

3. When I can’t get a wrapper or a tag off, I almost always use my teeth before I try scissors. I do have freaky strong teeth. Thanks milk.

4. Sometimes, I forget to take my vitamins. (Please don’t tell anyone that…..)

5. I have to sleep with like, at least 4 pillows. I’m a bed hog. I hog all the bed with my pillows. There, I admitted it.

So, there you have it. I’m flawed. I have flaws. I’m a really real person with really real faults. Now, I absolutely have to insist you stop worshipping me. I’m not an idol to be put on a pedestal. I don’t even like pedestals. I think they’re pretentious, like “Ohh….look at the pedestal. I inspire so much awe I get to stand on one.” Give me a break. I much prefer thrones. Not that I’m saying you should put me in one of those either because, whoa, bad idea. ***** I’m glad we got this all cleared up. I’m going to go back to my normal down-to-earth life of saving babies and healing diseases and not being able to look a hot guy in the face.

* I am perfect.

** I don’t have any real faults.

*** Again, they aren’t real faults. Like stealing or murder or running for political office.

**** The ones that aren’t real.

***** Or is it a wonderful idea????

6 thoughts on “I’m Really Real. Really. (Not Really)

  1. cooper says:

    I, too, require an abundance of pillows. I think it comes from being denied my fair share of sta-puft marshmallows as a child…

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