Someone asked me the other day what I would want to say on this blog if I knew it would be my last post. They wanted to know what I would want the world to know if I could say whatever I wanted. What a sucker. I’m pretty sure I owned their brain after that conversation.
Sucker: What would you want the world to know? If you knew it was your last ever blog post and you could say anything you wanted.
Me: I already say anything I want. Apparently- it’s hilarious and I’m delightful.
Sucker: I’m not talking about silliness, I mean what would you really want to say.
Me: Am I dead in this scenario?
Sucker: Well, you know you’re going to be dead the next day.
Me: Why am I blogging if I know I’m going to die? I’m pretty sure I would be like, trying to ride bulls and shoot paintball guns at my enemies. Also, eating a lot. And maybe like, streaking down the highway.
Sucker: Why would you streak down the highway?
Me: Ummm…..it’s fairly obvious.
Sucker: Whatever. Seriously, what would you say?
Me: It would depend on how I was going to die.
Sucker: Really? That’s interesting.
Me: Yeah, I’m pretty interesting. Like, if I was going to be killed by zombies I would probably warn everybody about the zombies. Or, if I was going to die in a skydiving accident I would probably be lecturing about the importance of parachute maintenance. Or, if I was going to die by a gunshot wound I would implore everyone to seek out my murderer and strip him naked and then make fun of his body until he cried and then put him in jail for the rest of his life but like, his jail cell would have all the things they said about his body written all over it. Or, If I was going to die in an apocalypse, I would probably tell everyone how much I loved the time before the apocalypse when I was alive and also give them tips on how to worship me as a deity after my death. Or….
Sucker: I think I get it. You’re trying to be funny.
Me: I’m not “trying” to be funny. I am funny. Probably the most hilarious person you will ever know. That’s why you should worship me after my death in the apocalypse.
Sucker: What if you died from natural causes.
Me: “Natural causes” (Sarcastic quotation marks)?! What kind of “natural causes”?
Sucker: Like, just old age.
Me: You think I’m still going to be blogging when I’m old? I won’t have to, by that time we will have perfected telepathy and everyone will be laughing all the time because they can hear my thoughts. I won’t have to blog. Geez. You should think about the things you day before you say them.
Sucker: Ok. Well, I think I’m done with this…..
Me: I just owned your brain a little bit.
Sucker: I don’t know what that means.
Me: Because I don’t want you to. Remember? I own your brain. It does what I want now.
Sucker: You are funny right? Like, people laugh at your jokes? This isn’t real right now, it’s your shtick???
Me: Excuse me! I’m a girl. I don’t have a shtick.
Sucker: Yeah…..I’m pretty sure this is you being funny.
Don’t try to ask me serious questions people. Learn from this sucker. Only ask me ridiculous questions and especially ask me questions about things that aren’t reality based. Those are my favorite. Also, if you’re looking for my Musical Revolution post it’s on my other blog. Peace!