Hey, Checkout Lady. You suck.


I’ve always liked going to the grocery store. Always. Until yesterday. Now the grocery store will forever be linked with a major decline in my self-esteem. All because of the lady at the register. She sucks. So I wrote her a letter.

Dear Checkout Lady aka She who sucks,

I was in your store yesterday buying a few groceries, including a bottle of wine. Now, let me be clear at the beginning and say I am over 21 so it was totally legal. I understand that. But the sign right next to your register says “We card under 50.” I know the point of this is to prevent underage drinking and I fully support it. I also fully support you carding people who look under 50. You know, people like me. And yet, as my groceries were being checked-out, I realized you weren’t going to card me. I made several pointed looks at the sign and back to you. You didn’t notice. You continued blabbering on about your 6-month anniversary with your boyfriend. Congratulations by the way. I’m sure it’s a very exciting time in your 16-year old life. Cherish your youth because someday you will be a 25-year old who doesn’t get carded because apparently she looks over 50. You see what you did there??? You punched my self-esteem in the face. You basically looked at me and said “Wow. No need to card this one, she is clearly pushing 70. It’s so obvious by how old her face looks. Too bad she isn’t buying wrinkle cream.” I know you didn’t really say that but that’s what it felt like. And sure, maybe you just forgot- but that would make you a very irresponsible check-out lady. What if I was under 21??!! You would have just sold alcohol to someone underage. You should be ashamed. You have two options here.

1. Admit you insulted me.

2. Admit you are very irresponsible and are the only person to blame for underage drinking in Texas.

Which one is it going to be lady?? By the way, did I mention that you suck?

Hugs and kisses,


So that’s my story of woe. I’m going to spend the rest of my day looking at anti-aging products and trying to recapture my apparently lost youth.

15 thoughts on “Hey, Checkout Lady. You suck.

  1. I’m sure it had nothing to do with looking over or under 50 she must have thought the wine surely was not for you but for someone else therefore no need to card you.
    See there’s an explanation for it.

  2. I used to have that problem where I could maybe pass for 18 with enough makeup on.

    Then, to cancel that all out:

    I went to talk to my little sister at work one day. One of her coworkers had to call her for me, and she said “your mom is here!”

    Really, dude? I know I look like my mom, but do I really look like I’m in my late 40s? I take comfort in the fact that people who can’t tell a 20-something is, in fact, 20-something, are just incompetent assholes who really shouldn’t be allowed to leave their homes.

  3. Dude – you can buy wine at your grocery store. You are totally not allowed to complain!! lol….

    (though I do understand, as I have been in the same spot, just in a liquor store).

  4. You can never win the age thing. Too young, too old, looks too young, looks too old. . . It’s never what we want when we want it. It’s always the opposite.

  5. Sabine says:

    This was super funny! I have had that happen to me as well.

    Reminds me of Fran Fine slipping the waiter some money so that he cards her when she’s out with a much younger guy.

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