So- as it turns out, I’m not always a hopeless fool when it comes to flirting. (I will give you a minute to let that sink in)
The truth is, occasionally, I can spin some mad game. It’s just the failures far outnumber the victories- although the victories are Rudy-esque, complete with people carrying me off a football field in triumph. So, while predominantly hopeless, I have had a glimmer of flirtation genius here and there. In fact, I recently flirted quite successfully. (I think I should be clear that by “success” I mean I didn’t hide in a closet, fail to speak, or brutally insult anyone. Yay me!) Then- of course, a problem arose- we weren’t in a situation where getting my digits was appropriate- so, assuming he did, in fact, want my number (which there is no guarantee he actually did… really the more I think about it the more embarrassed I am because now I’m pretty sure he thought I was a hideous troll with a chalky personality- oh geez- I made a fool out of myself didn’t I??? Awww, man. That sucks) ANYWAY- let’s just pretend he did want my number but couldn’t ask for it in that particular situation- how was this guy supposed to get in-touch with me??? The answer to that question for most people would be- Facebook. Facebook has made it possible for you to get better acquainted with just about any random person you meet. Except, I’m not on Facebook. I got off Facebook over a year ago (with good reason) and have never once regretted that decision until now. Now, I’m thinking “Way to take yourself back to the stone-age Girl on the Contrary. Now you will never see that guy again and all that flirtation foundation was totally wasted. You are a major stupidhead.” Was deleting my Facebook account just another example of my failures in flirting??
I don’t know. I really don’t. My reason for deleting my Facebook account was rock-solid, and I don’t regret doing it. It was necessary- it is still necessary. So what’s a girl to do? I guess nothing. I guess I just have to leave it to serendipity and hope that I will have another wave of flirtation brilliance sometime when it won’t go to waste. What a life.
And now I’m thinking, “Facebook??? Really GotC? You should be embarrassed. I can’t believe you even considered that. You let your moderate flirtation success go to your head and it made you completely lame. And in case you forgot, your mission in life is NOT to be lame. Lame. Lame. Lame. You were actually willing to let Facebook be an acceptable substitute for a guy stepping up and just asking for your number? Because it’s not. It’s not an acceptable substitute. For shame Girl on the Contrary. For shame.”
And now I’m thinking, that I did, in fact, make a giant fool out of myself. And NO WAY was that guy interested. And now, Im reading “He’s Just Not That Into You.” You see? I never feel rejected by the broom closets. Why, oh why, did I abandon my brilliant broom closet plan? It was golden.
Advice? Anyone? Bueller…..? Bueller…….?