Inner Dialogue. Brought To You By GotC.

Imagination

[WARNING: The following post gives you a look into the inner mind of GotC. You might experience symptoms of hilarity, confusion, anxiety, or mania. You’ve been warned. Proceed reading with the utmost caution. Do not read while driving. In fact, after reading this you should take a nap in order to pretend it was all a bizarre and disturbing dream.]

This, my sweet and probably insane readers, is an inside look into my brain. Why am I sharing this with you? No clue. I literally have no reason for it other than I think I’m hilarious. Don’t tell me if I’m wrong. When I’m having a conversation, there is another conversation going on unbeknownst to anyone else inside my head. It’s usually a lot more interesting than the conversation everyone else is hearing, if I do say so myself.

Furniture

Neighbor: So, you’re refurbishing vintage furniture?

Me: Yeah. I love taking vintage furniture and refurbishing it in a really modern way. I like the juxtaposition of old and new. (Wow. I sound like a complete tool-bag. Why oh why am I talking like this? Juxtaposition? Seriously?)

Neighbor: That sounds great. What have you done so far?

Me: I’ve finished an old dresser, and tomorrow I’m working on a kitchen table and chairs as well as mosaic tiling a coffee-table. (I can’t believe you included the coffee table. It’s not even vintage, it’s just 3 year old Ikea.)

Neighbor: I would love to see them. It sounds like something out of Better Homes and Gardens.

Me: It’s more Sex and the City. Very Carrie Bradshaw. (STOP. Stop right now. You’ve taken the douche-baggery too far. WALK AWAY.)

Lunch

Co-Worker: What sounds good for lunch?

Me: Anything really. (Dude. I should totally write a script for a movie where people from all different time periods are like, hanging out in Heaven. I bet they would have hilarious conversations. A lot of people think of Heaven as a really calm and chill place but I bet there’s lots of laughs to be had.)

Co-Worker: Should we get something delivered?

Me: Yeah, I don’t feel like driving anywhere. (Albert Einstein would be like “I was right about everything. It’s like, hey if Albert Einstein said it- it’s for real.” and Issac Newton would be like “Ummm, you’re welcome Einstein. I totally set you up. Give me my props yo.” and then Einstein would say “You’re right Newt. Even though we didn’t know each other in life- I always felt like we were homies….”)

Co-Worker: Hey! Are you listening?

Me: Yeah, I’m just thinking about what sounds good for lunch. (Also, I’m writing the best movie ever in my mind.)

How Was Your Weekend?

Friend: So, how was your weekend?

Me: Mmk. I guess. Kinda bouncy. (I wonder who would win in a fight between a vampire and a zombie. But not like a Twilight vampire- like, a real vampire. Because they’re both undead. Who kills who? And how?)

Friend: Bouncy? I don’t know what that means.

Me: You know up and down. Highs and lows. Bouncy. (I bet the zombie takes it. Because they seem more ruthless. No one ever made a movie where a lonely pretty girl falls in love with a zombie and then he bites her and she becomes a zombie because they love each other so much. Zombies don’t fall in love. They are totally ruthless. And like, really hungry for brains.)

Friend: Huh. Still kind of a weird way of describing your weekend.

Me: So, what? All of the sudden it’s “weird” to use language in ways it hasn’t been used before? Geez, read some Shakespeare. (But how would the zombie kill the vampire? I’ve never gotten the impression zombies were particularly bright. I don’t know if they would think of a wooden stake through the heart. Unless Buffy the Vampire Slayer became a zombie. Man, if she became a zombie the vamps wouldn’t stand a chance. But, seriously, what about a regular zombie? How would they win? C’mon GotC- put your thinking cap on.)

Friend: Are you comparing yourself to Shakespeare?

Me: No, you’re comparing me to Shakespeare. (Ripping the head off! Of course, it’s so simple! A zombie would kill a vampire by ripping it’s head off. This is a really proud moment for me. I’ve totally worked out the answer of an unanswerable question.)

Friend: What? No, I’m really not.

Me: Methinks the lady doth protest too much. See what I did there? I proved a point.

Friend: Sometimes, talking to you is like doing drugs.

Me: Except, talking to me is only illegal in 2 states.

Friend: So, a “bouncy” weekend, huh? What happened?

End Scene.

I blew your mind a little bit, didn’t I? It was like I dropped a surreal bomb on you. BOOM!

16 thoughts on “Inner Dialogue. Brought To You By GotC.

  1. your craziness is funny!! It keeps you bouncy and that’s a good thing i think
    i don’t even know what i’m saying :S
    see craziness travels trough computer screens hahahaha

  2. ………………………….
    yes my mind was blown.
    I love it how you transcend from real world to crazy.
    Real world, crazy!
    Real world, crazy!

    Pretty cool!

  3. I have to tell you that I have a thing about the word juxtaposition.

    That word pisses me off.

    I missed it on my SATs over 20 years ago.

    Okay, over 25 years ago, but I digress.

    I came out and went ape-shit and said, “Who even knows what juxtaposition means?” And everyone kind of looked at me blankly. And then two people defined it. In stereo.

    I’ll never forget that damn word.

    Okay, I think I just wrote a blog. Thanks.

  4. Though I find you funny, I’d be irritated too since I’d not be reading this stuff and just the non parenthesis… heehee

    Furniture – wow. you were pretty douchey there. But I’d still like to see pictures… so must fall for douche-baggery. 😉

    Lunch – Did you know there was a kid who was disproving Einstein’s theory of relativity (well part of it)? That kid could join in that conversation… bet it would be cool to have a 14 year old genius in the mix…. kind of like A Beautiful Mind meets Dead Poets Society.

    Weekend – Bouncy is totally a term used for the relative state of how a weekend went. i have used this before, so I’ll back you 🙂

  5. Ummmm, I’m pretty sure we’re soul mates, and I’m almost positive we could be the next Ben Affleck/Matt Damon young and hip (I’m neither young or hip so I’ll leave that to you) screenwriter duo. You would contribute the humor and I would contribute the weirdness. If we play our cards right my weirdness may be interpreted as “artsy” and very “indie” and your humor would be described as “intelligent” and “uniquely universal”. If we get started now we could be walking the red carpet by 2013.

    http://www.dontmakethatface.com

  6. Sabine says:

    I heard someone quoted that Shakespeare line in China, on the phone, and the call was cut off immediatelly. Because they said “protest”. But the call was like, about where to have dinner. Watch out, GotC!

    I don’t usually have such prolific inner dialogues. More like “I forgot to pay that bill” or “This guy’s ears are huge”. That’s all.

  7. HAHAHA! You really are hilarious!

    If I were the person you had said “A bouncy weekend” to I’d have had a whole different sort of conversation in my mind, mainly wondering how bouncy a person could get on a weekend, with whom, if it was noisy sort of a bouncy….you know they *do* say that those in the health profession have the dirtiest minds!
    teeheehee!

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