I’ve been very honest about my failures at flirting, but what you might not know about me (and you probably don’t know because I’ve never told you before….but if you do know that would be amazing because, wow, psychic powers y’all!) is that I am also severely challenged when it comes to relationships. At least, I’m really bad at the communication part of the relationship, which I’m told is the most important part. Although, I have to say, I think the snuggling on the couch while watching a movie part is WAY more important, and I am like, a champion snuggler (also, I pick really good movies). Nevertheless, I can admit that communication in relationships is not a strength of mine. So, as you can imagine, break-ups are particularly awkward and difficult for me. Here is an example….
Him: Want to come over tonight?
Me: Um…..probably not.
Him: Are you busy?
Me: Not so much.
Me: I just don’t really want to hold your hand anymore.
Me: What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think we should see each other anymore.
Him: Oh. Ok. Well….can we still be friends.
Me: I don’t do that. But I wish you all the best!
Or, if you would rather, here is an example of a guy breaking up with me.
Him: We are getting more serious than I wanted. I’m just not really ready for that type of a relationship.
Me: Ok. [On the inside, my heart was crushed]
Him: I think you’re wonderful. Really. I’m just not ready for it.
Him: What do you think?
Me: Sure. No worries.
Him: You don’t care?
Me: Ummm… this conversation is getting a little too serious. I’m just not ready to be in a committed serious conversation right now.
Him: I’m not joking.
Me: Neither am I.
Him: We can still be friends.
Me: I don’t do that. But I wish you the best! [Cried over that guy for weeks. True story.]
So, in an effort to be more awkward but better at explaining my feelings, I’ve decided to write a break-up blog. This way, when a break-up occurs I can just direct the guy to this post instead of talking to him. Communication problems solved!
If I am breaking up with you…….
Hey you. I have really enjoyed our time together. Really. You have been a peach. I’m just not…….wow, this is hard…….I’m just not in the same place as you are. We aren’t meant to be together. No, don’t argue. I think you feel it too. You have such a good soul and I will always think back on our time together fondly. But I think it’s time we went our separate ways. I wish you nothing but happiness. And just so you know, we can’t be friends because I don’t do that. And yes, I am blog breaking-up with you but it’s not because I want to humiliate you, it’s because I’m not good at communication in relationships (which you should totally know seeing as how until about 10 seconds ago we were in one). But really, I wish you lots of happiness.
If I am breaking-up with you because you are a douche bag……
Yeah. We’re breaking-up. I just can’t handle the douche-baggery. What I’m trying to say is this: You are a douche bag. I am not. Ipso facto we are breaking up. But I wish you nothing but the best!
If you are breaking-up with me……
I’m not going to lie, this hurts a bit. At the end of the day, though, you’re right. We shouldn’t be together. Mostly because you have really bad breath. And no, I don’t think we will be friends, I don’t do that. And yes, yes I will be blogging about this. You knew what you were getting into. But, I wish you the best!
You guys, I am really proud of myself. I think I grew as a person today. Although, I’m pretty sure I’ve just scared away any potential boyfriends I may have had. I guess trying to improve myself as a person requires sacrifice. Shucks.
How would you blog break-up with someone?