Celebrity love. Loving celebrities. Hmmmm. It seems weird, right? I mean, what, you follow them on twitter, facebook stalk them, real-life stalk them? Where is the line? And if you aren’t the stalking kind then do you just walk around all the time with like lots of unrequited feelings??? And how do you handle loving someone who like a million other people also love? (I’m using the term “love” here pretty loosely- I assume it’s something more akin to lust or desire, but hey, I’m not judging) How do you get past all the groupie love? Do you get jealous? I mean, this all seems very strange, right? Am I right? I’m totally right.
Here’s what I think- I think that celebrities make for a convenient face for whatever your fantasy guy/girl is. They can be anyone, with any type of characteristic because you don’t actually know them. And they are wonderfully good-looking so that doesn’t hurt. Am I right? I’m totally right.
And yet, I too have fallen into the trap of crushing on a celebrity. Alas, Alan Alda never returned my fervent letters that went something like this.
Dear Mr. Alda,
Can I call you Alan? Al? Sugarbee? Ok- Al it is. (Although I perferred sugarbee myself).
I just want to tell you that you are my favorite actor. Like, most favorite ever. I have a million questions to ask you but I will limit myself to 7 since I’m sure we will be communicating regularly after this and I can ask my other 999,993 questions then. Boy- do we have an exciting life ahead of us!
1. Who is you favorite actor? I just want to know so I can love him as well. It’s really important that we like the same things.
2. Do you have access to a time machine? Listen- you were super foxy as Hawkeye but I realize time has passed since then and I would feel a little strange being with you now (although you are way cuter than Hugh Hefner). So, we are going to need to travel back in time a bit. (Wait- will I exist if we do that? This is pretty complicated but you are totally worth it!)
3. What is your favorite fruit? Please don’t say blueberries…. please don’t say blueberries….please don’t say blueberries.
4. Do you think the world would be able to handle a hilarious power-couple such as ourselves?
5. Would our love cause an apocalypse? (This is a follow-up to number 4)
6. What is your favorite pick-up line? You should know I will assume you are trying to use it on me. The answer is yes by the way.
7. Can I please call you sugarbee? Please say yes……I don’t want to have to change all the monogrammed towels I ordered.
Love, hugs, kisses, and roses
Girl on the Contrary
I can’t believe he never responded. I. Am. Heart. Broken. What I learned from this experience is that you can’t love celebrities. They will break your heart every time. And they won’t even know they broke your heart because they don’t know you- and you don’t know them. Am I right? I’m totally right.
What celebrities are you loving? And how do you avoid stalking them?