Pick-Up Lines That Would NOT Work On Me.

NO. JUST NO. NOPE. UH UH.

NOT HAPPENING.

 

Yesterday, I shared all of the pick-up lines that would definitely work on me. So today, I thought it was really important to share the pick-up lines that would NOT work on me. I’m nothing if not fair and balanced. I’m all about balance. Also, I don’t want any of you to think I’m easy. Or slutty, which I guess means the same thing as easy.

1. Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world? Um yes, I did just rock your world- with my rejection.

2. I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true. That’s impossible. If you’re not a genie then there is no way you can make my dreams come true. That’s just logic.

3. Baby you’re like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems. I really hate math. Also, I’m not that great at it so I’m probably not going to solve any of your problems. How can I say this……you+me=incompatible. Comprende?

4. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib. I don’t eat meat so…….thanks for playing. Better luck next time.

5. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together. Really? That’s all you would change? Talk about no imagination.

6. Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart. Boy, you just said the exactly wrong thing. Walk away. Just walk away.

7. Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend. That’s crazy because you look a lot like that guy who is going to wish he hadn’t approached me with that line.

8. Are you lost? Because heaven’s a long way from here. Yes, I am lost. Can you tell me how get back? Earth sucks. I miss Heaven.

9. Like the sheets on your bed, I want to cover you with love. My sheets want to cover me with love? Wow, they never said anything. This changes everything.

10. Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only TEN I see. I’m from Texas. Tejas baby. You better recognize.

There are loads more and I would love to hear some of your worst (or best depending on how you see it) pick-up lines! Let’s make the internet uncomfortable people.

30 thoughts on “Pick-Up Lines That Would NOT Work On Me.

  1. I have a terrible memory for words, but I don’t easily forget sleezy faces. At work the other day I definitely got the wink and the nod accompanied by the click of the tongue. You know the one? The gesture that automatically turns even the most promising guys into the star quarterback of the worst high school football team? Yeah. At least he didn’t add the finger guns. I may have fainted in horror, otherwise.

  2. I had a really awful pick-up attempt at college. I was in the cafeteria, zombie-shuffling down the line when I asked for vegetable and the guy serving them said, “Oh, I’ll give you the world.” This totally didn’t mix to my request for food and the best response my homework-crushed brain could come up with was to glance around to see if he was talking to someone else. Nope, I was the only one there. He then started loading my plate with vegetables and when the older gentleman beside him nudged him and said he’d probably given me enough the weird guy promptly said, “I’ll give her whatever she desires.” It took me about 10 minutes before my brain switched on and I could freak out about it with my friends.

  3. KateBo says:

    I have had not one, but TWO former coworkers introduce themselves to me as my future ex-boyfriend.
    Oh these kids nowadays.

  4. Oh classics! I think my favourite terrible pick up lines are the ones where it’s like “How do you like your eggs in the morning?” (Unfertilized, thank you) and “The word of the day is legs, why don’t you and I spread the the word?”

    I had to almost admire the guy who flat out asked me if I’d screw him in the bathroom last year when I was out on the town one night. Took some balls. Was creeped out and got the hell out of there, but still – that took some serious balls.

    A friend of mine though said he once walked up to a girl at a bar, pulled ice out of his drink and stamped on it. When asked what he was doing he replied “I’m breaking the ice!” She walked away – I personally would’ve died laughing and given the guy a shot.

    1. Thanks for the “unfertilized” response to that line- I will be sure and use it. Also- good instincts on leaving that bar. I think I probably would have given the ice guy a chance as well but he would have had to follow it up with something really strong to keep my attention.

  5. shreejacob says:

    Oh No,3 is something you hear then run like you have 1000000000 bats chasing you!!!

    I have my own problems thank you!

    I do like the alphabet one though! I think its kinda sweet!! – unless its in the middle of the night, in an empty parking lot and he’s sneering…..

    1. I would say that any of these lines automatically become terrifying if they are delivered in the middle of the night in a parking lot by a sneering man. I really can’t imagine what a sneering man could say in the middle of the night in a parking lot that wouldn’t be creepy.

      1. shreejacob says:

        It was lucky that I wasn’t midway swallowing a drink because my poor laptop would have been drenched! For some reason that comment was hilarious to me!!!

  6. On the flip side….real turnoffs…

    1) Your Mom said I could find you here.
    2) I think Oprah is a genius, don’t you?
    3) Are you Jamaican? Cuz ja makin’ me crazy.
    4) Can you give me a ride home? I have to feed my 37 cats.
    5) Want to see my Danny Partridge tattoo??

  7. Sabine says:

    Oh, come on, the first one isn’t so bad, LOL!

    Anything Star Wars related would work on me, unless the guy looked like a Star Wars fan. Tough, huh?

    1. I think you have created an incredibly complicated situation for yourself. I mean, you want someone who would use a star wars line (meaning they are probably a star wars fan) but not look like a star wars fan. Hmmmmm. If you find that guy, do NOT let him out of your sight. He is a miracle.

  8. I hadn’t heard your version of the alien one… the one I always heard was “Are you an alien? Cuz you are outta this world!”
    The other cringe worthy one that comes to mind “was your father a baker? Cuz you got nice buns”

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