Things I Believed Until Yesterday.

Apparently, I’ve been wrong about a lot of things. I know you’re shocked but let that sink in a bit and then we can continue……ready? Sheesh, it sure didn’t take you very long to accept the fact I’ve been wrong. I’m offended- give me a minute to forgive you………ok, you’re forgiven. See how this works?

Remember how you used to hear crazy things on the playground as a kid? Things like, “My Mom told me if I keep my eyes crossed, they will stay that way FOREVER.” And you might believe them for a while but eventually, you realize what they are saying isn’t true. Well, I’m not someone who ever got to the eventually part. Basically, I have believed every playground rumor I ever heard.  Until recently, that is, when I very foolishly expressed some of these ideas to the general laughter of everyone around me. So, in the interest of making a fool of myself in exchange for your laughter the following are actual rumors I believed until, like, yesterday. (On another note, I think I may have missed my calling as a court jester)

1. If you sneeze with your eyes open then your eyeballs will shoot out of your head. Finally, about a year ago, I conveyed this idea to a friend of mine and she responded with “How strong do you think your eyelids are?” It was an aha moment.

2 Your blood is blue until it hits the air, then it turns red. I made the mistake of saying this to my sister, who is a nurse. I will spare you the ensuing discussion but…..I can admit I was mistaken in my idea.

3. If you swallow bubble-gum it will stay in your stomach for 7 years. Also, not true- although this was the one that elicited the most debate. Even though I know it’s not true, the thought of swallowing gum still bothers me.

I hope you all got a laugh out of this, I know it’s hard to believe that such a savvy and intelligent lady such as myself could fall prey to these silly childhood tales but alas, it’s true. I would like to think that I clung to these notions in an effort to retain my childhood but the truth of the matter is I never even gave these rumors a second thought. Huh. I’m not sure what to make of that.  But I would like to say that,  if you too thought these things were true, then, welcome friends- you are in a safe place.

19 thoughts on “Things I Believed Until Yesterday.

  1. 1 – but I’ve thought, that you can’t sneeze with your eyes open ?!?

    3 – wait, wait, wait – so what happens to the gum, if it doesn’t naturally pass in 7 years… ? Does it passes faster, or slower, or not at all?

  2. Kim Holloway says:

    I’ve never heard #1, but I was a firm believer of #2 and #3. I swear we learned about #2 in science class.

    I used to think that if you didn’t get off the escalator quickly enough, you’d get sucked under and chopped to bits.

    A while back, my boyfriend said that his mom had told him that the little prickly thing at the end of a banana was poisonous. While I realize this isn’t true, I’ve been removing it ever since.

    1. I used to be so scared of escalators for that very reason!! I’ve never heard of the poisonous banana top but you can rest assured I will be taking it off from now on. Just in case.

  3. lol! What about stepping on cracks? I walked with a friend at work and noticed, while we talked, she would make every effort to avoid those cracks.

    Or the swallowing of watermelon seeds. That one bugged me for a long time. Not that I actually believe a watermelon would grow in my belly, but … I don’t know.

    Your post has confirmed that when my time comes to be a parent, it is my duty to be as literal and truthful about things as possible. That should turn out well, right? 🙂

  4. Yes…and I had to drop that stick before I poked an eye out!

    I tried yelling that out to my son on the LaCross Field…..

    And, god forbid, we should run with scissors…might end up to be a best seller……..

    Spread the humor:

  5. Next you’ll be trying to tell us that Santa Claus doesn’t really exist. Sheesh!

    But, as long as you’re disillusioning, er, I mean, enlightening us, perhaps you can clear up this one: You shouldn’t write on your skin because it’ll give you ink/lead poisoning (depending on if it’s a pen or a pencil). True or false?

    1. According to my diligent research (Google, cough cough)- you have to swallow the ink/lead in order for it to poison you. Which is a relief because I wrote “Please prevent me from swallowing ink/lead” on my hand in ink.

  6. Okay, I am right on with you with #1 & #2. WOW. I even googled that because I was still defiant on the idea that this just wasn’t true. So I appologise for not trusting that you likely googled it too.

    #3 though, I thought was a myth but it’s sorta true. Not because of gum or the 7 years thing, but because our internal organs like to hold onto things for YEARS and years. Apparently we are supposed to do a colon flush twice a year to reduce this build up and give our organs a break. i had no idea.

      1. I’m not sure now whether I have more enjoyed the blog itself, or the comment that your organs are just going to have to man up. (Which, incidentally, made Diet Dr. Pepper go up my nose. TMI?)

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