Flirtation Failure: Deadline October.


Flirt Magazine
Love and Laffs don't mix???!! I'm screwed.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you guys that I haven’t been practicing flirting. I am still a flirtation failure. I sort of smiled(ish) at a guy not too long ago if that counts for anything. No? It doesn’t? Oh. Ok.

So- I’m starting over at trying to be less of a complete and total goofball at flirting (and by goofball I mean coward). And now, I have more motivation than ever- a wedding in October that I have been instructed to “bring a +1….or else” ย I’m pretty sure the “or else” is ย one of the following options.

A) Taking care of drunk family members at the wedding

B) Being forced to sing “Single Ladies” at the wedding

C) Having to sit at the kids table and all the kids have boyfriends and girlfriends and then I have to admit I’m the “loser” at the kids table.

D) Being forced to watch movies about aliens until I pass out in fear and then when I wake up I realize that flirting isn’t nearly as scary. But that’s a really hard way to learn.

E) Be set-up on a blind wedding date. (Now that’s scary)

Obviously, I don’t want any of these things to happen. This gives me motivation to start flirting (shudder) and hopefully, fingers crossed, find myself a +1 to take to my friends wedding.

Ok- I have the motivation but what I’m lacking is the skills to make this happen. I mean, I can “practice” all day long ย but if I’m not doing the right things, then it’s sort of just reaffirming bad habits. What I need from you people is advice. I know I got a lot of flirting advice in my first Flirtation Failure but it was sort of overwhelming and mixed in was a lot of “Flirting is so easy, it’s like riding a bike” and I happen to be really scared of bike riding so that just confirmed my suspicion that flirting is actually terrifying. I need help. Sure, I need help on lot’s of things (i.e. the bike riding) but flirting help is priority right now because I have a deadline looming and even though I love singing “Single Ladies” in my car, I don’t fancy doing it at a wedding. Help me, readers of Girl on the Contrary, you’re my only hope!

40 thoughts on “Flirtation Failure: Deadline October.

  1. A dazzling smile goes a long way. And breasts. They help too ๐Ÿ˜‰

    When I’m out and see someone I like, I usually try to think of a funny anecdote as a way of breaking the ice. For example, last night I was out at a concert and a cute guy was standing next to me at the bar ordering lots of drinks for his group of friends. He took some drinks back to the group, but left two beers on the bar because he couldn’t carry them in the one go. When he came back to get them, he said “Sorry” to me as he was kind of in the way. “That’s ok,” I replied, “But I’m not sure you’ll want those beers anymore. My friend and I just took a sip from them.” He laughed, “That’s cool, as long as you don’t have some contagious disease or something.” “No,” I replied, “But I did backwash like a champion.” He laughed again, and it sparked a conversation.

    I’m not sure that talking about backwash is classified as flirting, but in my experience, light-hearted jovial conversation can go a long way. Good luck!

  2. Delightfully Contradictory says:

    I always smile. And it’s a sincere, beaming, I’m really happy to see you smile. Eye contact is great, too. It makes everything more personal. I actually just wrote a post about receiving male attention that could be quite helpful once the art of flirting is mastered. Or, maybe, it could help with flirting.

  3. Hi. I can’t help you with tips on how to flirt, because I do it unconsciously. And continuously. Which can be difficult and sometimes inappropriate.

    From what I can see and read here I don’t think the issue is necessarily with what you are doing. From your photo you are certainly not going to scare most men off at first look, far from it. What you write seems intelligent and non-freaky, so that’s all good too.

    Maybe it’s how you are reading what’s coming back to you that’s the issue? In my (limited recently) experience it’s very easy to overthink the whole thing and that will mean you can’t interpret what’s going on. It sounds cheesy, because it is, but you’ve got to listen to your body. It knows what it’s doing.

  4. Rosanne de Castro says:

    remember this one though…. weddings are usually a great way to meet other ‘singles’ out there…. so who ever you do end up going with, unless you really do like the guy, keep your options open!
    Doesn’t the groom have any nice single friends that you know of?

  5. I don’t think you need to flirt. There’s no guarantee flirting will get you a date. You just need to ask someone out (or be open to set-ups/being asked out) and if you pick someone who is attractive, funny, intelligent… all the better.

  6. I would actually have liked to perform “Single Ladies”. As Kanye West said “Beyonce is a musical genius”

    Man had you lived here … I would have introduced you some guys already.
    We would have a had a speed dating thing at a local smoothie place like in iCarly.
    Hmm, maybe you should watch movies to teach you how to flirt.
    I am thinking
    Basic Instinct
    9 1/2 Weeks
    The Graduate
    Wait that might be sending the wrong message.
    Well we gotta start somewhere right?
    If that doesn’t work I do have a Plan B … seriously. It might require some arm strength but you can do it!

      1. Plan B would be where your flirting skills are like these ladies in these movies :

        The Cutting Edge
        Definietly, Maybe
        Nick & Norah Playlist

        These girls all flirt by like hiting the guy they are doting on. Slugging him on the shoulder while smiling. You gotta be hands on and sstrong … and you show him your muscles by smacking him around. The Cutting Edge will teach you that!
        Guys love a girl that can kick their ass … I think?

  7. Ugh. I feel your pain. I have a wedding in August, and while I haven’t been threatened about bringing a +1 (yet), I will probably be the only one in my group without a date. Like always. If you get any good pointers, send them my way. I’m taking destiny into my own hands… hopefully I don’t strangle her.

  8. MJ says:

    I have two wedding plus ones hanging over my head for October. I think love and “laffs” totally mix and the best way to flirt is to be yourself, be funny and laugh if he’s funny (if he’s not, move it along because in a few years, funny may be all he has). Eye contact, smiling, chatting, all good things. Start with the ugos and eventually you’ll be able to pull it off with the Brad Pitts.

  9. Omigosh, sometimes I would just swear that we are the same person. Except you’re funny & witty, and I’m just a loser with no flirting or dating skills.

    It is so horribly annoying that people who know how to flirt do it like breathing (or riding a bike, and incidentally I am living proof that you can, indeed, forget how to ride a bike) and so can’t really articulate what they are doing.

    Since I suck at it I can’t give you any pointers but I will say that you’re pretty terrific all-around, so just be confident in who you are, and beyond that just be friendly with people around you (including guys, young lady!) Being friendly and flirting are sometimes the exact same thing, especially if they guy thinks you’re kinda cute. Which you are, at least as far as I can tell.

    1. You are no loser! I absolutely reject that theory. I think you are pretty terrific yourself and everything I say is law. It is now against the law to call yourself anything other than “terrific” or variations of that word.

      1. So you have to start the Being Friendly (including to guys) right away. Now. NOW! (Yeah, no pressure.)

        And consider a fallback position: guyfriend who’ll help you out and go with, in a pinch?

  10. cooper says:

    hate to say this….no such thing as flirting skills. if there were, you’d run the risk of having to use them 24/7 for the rest of your life especially if these skills were the hook to getting noticed.

    just be Contrary…have patience…a contrary lover will come along, then you won’t have to worry about “skills”. Wait for the plum lover
    (go to mark 1:45 if you don’t want to watch the whole thing)

  11. dnici says:

    I can’t really help you with the flirting thing. I’m a failure at it too. If I were in your position, I would find a single guy friend and offer to pay him $50 to be my “date”. Best of luck!

    1. I’m going to be honest with you- there is a 99.97% chance this is going to end horrifically. Jumping out of an airplane with a malfunctioning parachute would end less gruesomely. Alas, I gave my word that I would at least try……

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