Pet Peeve Day- Beach Edition

Palm Trees Beach

I love to vacation at the beach. I just wish other people didn’t because, let me tell you, some of them have atrocious beach behavior. So, while I absolutely adored my beach holiday, I also kept a list of pet peeves. It’s what I do.

1. Men who look nothing like David Beckham wearing speedos. Please listen closely guys- like, really closely. Are you listening? No. Just no. The answer is always no. No sir. No. Sir. (Unless you do look like David Beckham, then please, by all means, wear that speedo)

2. Stealing lounge chairs. If there is a towel and a beach bag on that chair then it does not belong to you. Even if no one is sitting in it (probably because they are swimming). That chair is not yours. Don’t take it. Stealing is wrong. I feel like we all should have learned this early on but apparently some people missed that day in life when you are told taking what isn’t yours is wrong. And against the law. You should be in jail.

3. Getting out of the pool or ocean and shaking water all over the place. Hey- I’m glad you had a nice refreshing swim. I certainly don’t want to deter you from swimming. But c’mon. If there are people around you and you shake like a wet dog then you are going to get those people wet- and you are going to get their things wet. You are a human, not a beast. Please use a towel. (Also, you got my book wet and messing with my books makes me incredibly angry. I hope you get stung by a jelly-fish)

4. Women over 60 in bikinis. Ladies. Ladies. Ladies. You should know better. Sure, you are in killer shape. Sure, your favorite plastic surgeon has made miracles of your varicose veins. But ladies, we can still tell you aren’t 30 anymore. Hell, we can still tell you aren’t 50 anymore. I’m thrilled that you are proud of yourself and your body. I’m just not sure why I have to see ALL of it. Think more Jackie O. and less Jenna Jameson please.

5. Wearing cologne to the beach. Um….why? You have to put an awful lot on to cover up the sunscreen smell- and the effect is very unpleasant. Also, aren’t you just going to wash it off in the ocean anyway? Or sweat it off in the sun? You should know, riding in the elevator with you was torture to my sensitive nose. And for what? What reason could you possibly have for wearing cologne on the beach? Just stop.

So, I had a lot more than 5 beach pet peeves but when I re-read the list they seemed sort of mean. And by sort of, I mean, I might end up spending eternity in hell for writing them. So, I edited myself. I think this is a sign I’m maturing. To congratulate myself for maturing I’m rewarding myself with ice cream and candy. Hmmm. Maybe not so mature. What do grown-ups reward themselves with? Banking accounts? Heroin?

I would love to hear some of your beach pet peeves! Or- I would love to hear your thoughts on whether or not grown-ups reward themselves with banking accounts or heroin.

23 thoughts on “Pet Peeve Day- Beach Edition

  1. In Southern California we have the problem of those who swim in a t-shirt and jeans, get waterlogged, captured by the riptide and must be saved by the lifeguards on duty. Constantly. Personally I think a Swiss bank account, some chocolate and a fine bottle of Scotch should be awarded to thee. Land is good too. We have to think of your future.

  2. Grown-ups reward themselves with carrots.

    (No, no, they don’t – chocolate is a perfect reward no matter how old you are. In my case, chocolate ice cream and raspberries!)

    😉

  3. I get rather annoyed by jet-ski’ers and the like bringing their montrous gas contraptons right beside the dang swimming area! Or worse, IN IT. That really makes me mad.

    Also mad-making is children or adults who use every single spare twig known to man kind to adorn their sandcastles. Seriously, you need MAYBE 5 flags fops. you don’t need to recreate a friggin storm hedge or whatever the heck it is that you had to scour the earth for all those friggin twigs! All that does, is add more crap to the beach on which I will no doubt, sit on and swear at the universe for equal revenge upon your thoughtless self! GRR!

    okay. the second one may be a little harsh. haha…

    I’d be really currious to see your hell-bound list though.

    And for “adult” reward, I like Jewels. Gemstones in specific. Sometimes you can even find sea glass at the beach, and that is a bonus (unless you find it in your foot, then not so much).

    1. Hahaha! Jewels would be divine. And, I love your additions to the list- I would think that no sand castle needs more than 3.5 flags. Any more is very ostentatious. Who’s building these sand castle, Henry VIII?

  4. I think adults reward themselves with lavish vacations … but you just took one. That would begin a vicious cycle… so yea go with heroin.
    Or for something safer a swiss bank account

  5. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a “beach” beach. (Most of the beaches in the Pacific Northwest don’t draw the Speedo wearing crowd.) But, I can think of a few peeves:

    1) Boom boxes on the beach. I like the sound of the waves, the wind and seagulls, not the tinny sound of a cheap stereo playing crappy music.

    2) Dog poo. It’s great that you bring your dog out to frolic on the beach, but please pick up after them!

    3) Cigarette butts, beer bottles, etc. Any time I go to the beach, on a hike, or any place where being in Nature is a big part of it, I don’t really care to see trash lying around. (I don’t really like seeing trash lying around *anywhere* but it seems more tolerable when it’s on the downtown streets.)

    Um, that’s all I can think of off-hand, though I also agree with ones you listed (and probably the ones you didn’t)!

  6. On your item #1, you have to be clearer: men typically overestimate their attractiveness with the same level of pathology that women underestimate theirs. Therefore #1 should be more specific. “Men, unless you ARE David Beckham – and I mean THE David Beckham, not just anyone with that name – do not wear a speedo.”

    Personally I don’t think anyone should wear a speedo, not even David Beckham. But David could maybe wear something a *little* less revealing, but sit closer to me so I have a good view of what IS revealed (my own pet peeve notwithstanding).

    [Rather than take over your comments I posted 2 (maybe 2.5) more I would add to your list on a blog of my own: http://akagringita.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/beach-vacation-peeves-girlonthecontrary/ ]

    1. Haha! Thanks! I’m afraid to limit it to just David Beckham because I have faith there are other unbelievably attractive men out there who deserve the privilege of wearing speedos around me. But you’re right in that I need some sort of qualifier for those men who overestimate their looks. I’ll ponder that for a while….

  7. My major pet perv is when someone just leaves a towel on the chair at the hotel pool when they leave. How am I supposed to know if you’re coming back or not?

    If you’re leaving for good, please put your towel in the bin. I hate looking at all those chairs I consider “saved” because you are too lazy to get rid of your dirty towels.

    1. Good point. Hear that people- put your towels in the bin! (Although might I replace the “too lazy” with “inconsiderate” because I think laziness is kind of encouraged at the beach but being inconsiderate is not ok anywhere at anytime)

  8. HAHA… loved this post. Agreed on the speedos and chair stealing. And I never realized that guys wore cologne to the beach. My beach pet-peeve is little kids leaving huge holes right where the water is so you fall into them because you don’t see them!

  9. I will say – the older crowd who bares a lot of skin at the beach always inspires me to get back to the gym when I go home. At least you weren’t in a place where clothing is considered somewhat optional (its seems anywhere in Mexico you can find the much older crowd topless *shudder*) .

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