I’m currently out of the country. At a beach. In fact, I am at one of the beaches mentioned in this video.
Anyway, before I left I made sure to answer each of the following questions in detail because if you don’t then terrible unspeakable things happen and your vacation becomes a nightmare of epic proportions. This is very important, please take it seriously. I am sharing these questions so that your future vacations don’t become so ghastly that they make a horror film out of the story.
1. Will this sparkly toe nail polish attract baracudas?
2. Are the locals known for poisoning visitors food?
3. What type of poisonous creatures are nearby that I need to look out for?
4. Are there any Princes/Princesses where I am traveling to?
5. Is there a war currently going on in my destination? (Note: This hasn’t stopped me before but I think it’s an important question nonetheless)
6. Is there a local dance that I might learn in a week or two?
7. Is there a possibility that the drink I order will come with an umbrella in it?
8. Is there any way that I will be put in a situation where I have to cut off my own arm?
9. What are my chances of meeting a celebrity there?
10. What books should I bring?
Trust me, these questions could literally save your life. (If anyone’s life gets saved by one of these questions please tell me, you owe me some money). Although, I should note that even though the answer to question 1 is “yes”, I am still totally rocking the sparkly toe-nail polish. Not all my toes are important, if I lose a few to barracudas because I am completely obsessed with sparkly toes, then so be it.