So, the mail held an interesting surprise for me yesterday- a Teen Vogue. Huh. I am long out of my “teens”, although, I do like to stay in “vogue”. Anyway, I decided not to waste this serendipitous gift so I read Teen Vogue. Cover to cover. Here is what I learned.
1. Teenagers really like to smell good because every other page was a perfume ad. Also, that makes for a very pungent magazine as not all these perfumes really work together.
2. The is such as thing as a “friend poacher”. That is somebody who is kind of a friend but really tries to steal all of your friends. Which means they are really not your friend. So, I guess, watch out for poachers. And not just the animal kind.
3. If you are a Taurus, like I am, the following is your December horoscope: If you tend to be a control freak about making holiday plans for you and your boyfriend, leave the task to him this year. Trust that he will organize a fun winter break. Um….no. Also, I’m an adult Teen Vogue, I don’t get a “winter break” much less a fun one planned by my imaginary boyfriend.
4. If you are an adult and you read your Teen Vogue horoscope, it will make you feel bad.
5. Models who are “off duty” look just as good as if they were “on duty”.
6. Kelly Osbourne would like to like to throw a party in the White House. Me too! Who knew we had so much in common?
7. There are only four types of people in this world- those who like sleepovers, those who like bright stuff, those who are glam, and those who are world travelers. And if you don’t choose a gift from Teen Vogue that falls into one of those four categories, then you are buying the wrong gift.
8. Kate Bosworth now designs jewelry.
9. You can make your own stylish jewelry. But you probably won’t.
10. If you don’t own a chambray shirt then you are pretty much the worst dresser ever.
11. Bonnie Wright, who plays Ginny Weasley in Harry Potter, is pretty awesome.
13. An interview with Cory Monteith and Lea Michele made me love Glee more.
14. If you have a bedroom, it should be pink, tie-dye, or floral.
15. In Teen Vogue, “going green” means you’re jealous- not environmentally friendly.
I hope that you all feel as enlightened as I did after I read this magazine. And by enlightened, I mean feel like your youth is gone forever and that you have no clue what teenagers are talking about. But maybe if I keep getting these magazines I will learn what teenagers are talking about- although, I think that might make me come off as a bit of a creepster. Dilemma. Also, why in the world did I get this magazine???