I woke up over the weekend. I woke up to the fact that I have been deluded. Actually, I didn’t wake up to it- I just said that to make it dramatic. The truth is I was laying on a massage table getting the knots in my back worked out. Anyway, all of the sudden, I became incredibly aware that I have been living under a delusion. The reason I became aware of living under a delusion was because the thought “Someday, I’ll have it all.” crossed my mind. WHAT? Who told me that? Why in the world should I “have it all”? And, more importantly, what is the “all”?
Listen, it’s been an incredibly difficult week for me. And for the first time, the thought “Someday I’ll have it all” didn’t make it better. I realized um, hello, I probably won’t ever have it all. There will always be worries and frustrations and struggles. There will also always be laughter and smiles and winks. Maybe that’s what the “all” is. It’s everything. It’s the good, bad, and unimaginable. And we already have that. We always have that. So, there isn’t necessarily a “someday” there is a yesterday, today, and tomorrow- and they are filled with the “all”. Sure, there will be times when life is a suckfest. There will also be times when your life seems like day after day of bliss. It’s all the “all”. True story. You should listen to me because I had an existential crisis on a massage table- so you know, that’s like, legit.
Like I said, the thought “Someday I’ll have it all” didn’t make me feel better. But all the other thoughts after it did make me feel better. And maybe it should have had the opposite effect but I don’t think I need to remind you that I’m contrary. I have sort of odd and nonsensical responses to things. So, you know what? I’m going into today knowing that I have it “all”. Whether this day is good or bad or I get kidnapped or win the lottery (which would be weird because I don’t play the lottery) I had it “all” today. All the experience life could offer me today- I had it.
Anyone else ever had an epiphany on a massage table? Actually….don’t answer that, I feel like it could get inappropriate. Just tell me if you’ve realized anything about life lately- I don’t care where it happened.
Cheers to having it “all”! (If you have read this post today you should know what I mean by “all”. If you didn’t read this post, then you probably think I’m just being really cheerful and optimistic. So, either way, I think I look pretty good.)