Do You Have A Boyfriend?

boyfriend wordle

I get asked this a lot. I also get asked variations of this such as “Seeing anyone special?” “How’s the dating life?”  ” Still single?” and the somewhat insulting “Signed up for online dating yet? You’re not getting younger and prettier.” So, I have a lot of practice answering it in the least pathetic and dignified way possible- which usually goes something like ” Thanks so much for caring, I’m sure I will meet someone special someday. Until then I am just loving life the way it is.”

But you know, something? I’m getting really tired of answering these questions just so that the asker can feel better about my love life. Um. In case you didn’t notice the emphasis in that sentence was MY. Because it’s mine. And though I am quite a gifted sharer this is one thing I prefer to keep to myself thanks. So, I decided instead of giving an answer that puts whoever is asking this question at ease and attempts to defuse the awkwardness of the conversation I am going to attempt to answer this question as awkwardly as possible. I want to see some cringes and uncomfortable laughing. I’ve compiled a list of responses that I think will do the trick nicely. Please enjoy and feel free to share your ideas as well!

DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

– Friend? What’s a friend?

-Of course not. I’m too busy preparing for the apocalypse. Aren’t you?

–  99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.  ( This is a Jay-Z song. If you don’t know it, get familiar.)

– I have several locked up in my basement but I haven’t heard any sounds down there in weeks so I think we’re on a break.

– Um. Yeah. He’s standing right next to me. Don’t you see him?

– Well, my other personality has one but I don’t.

– Yo! I’ll tell ya what I want what I really really want!

-Boyfriend is as boyfriend does.

-Well, since 2012 is doomsday I hardly think it’s worth the effort.

– Not yet but I have a really strong love potion brewing so keep your fingers crossed.

 

I can’t wait to use these lines and witness the awkwardness! This is going to be fun.

37 thoughts on “Do You Have A Boyfriend?

  1. Yeah but he is from Asgard (referring to Thor). Its very hard to maintain a long distance.
    You can change the realm according to your needs 😛

  2. Natnatnat says:

    I’ve been asked this by my nosy mom and extended family members. I got tired of the questions so I lied and said yes. Next thing I know the whole extended family knows about it and start fishing details out of me.

    Next time I should try telling them: “Yes, God sent for him, but I think he is lost somewhere since he hasn’t arrived yet.”

  3. i do too get these annoying questions,.before I answer them politely,.but now it really annoys me..to the point that I will just laugh away the conversation and escape the “hot-seat” ..it seems like, my family is so bored with my presence that they are always looking for someone else..hahahah!i hope not..

    my excuse: assign a fake call on your phone..ihih 3:)

  4. Catherine says:

    Love using 2012! I would love to loosely reference the second coming of Jesus and just say I’m far too busy preparing to hear the trumpets 🙂

  5. That’s the right way! If someone is asking a stupid question, he’s the one who should feel badly afterwards.
    You can try these if you want:

    “No, do you wanna be mine?”

    “It’s just so hard to find someone that comes even close to my league”

    “I have so many fans and I don’t want to steal them the illusion of the single me”

    “No, I just find it so nice of me to give people with no life the opportunity to feel better about themselves because I have no boyfriend”

  6. I always get that from extended family. And I always do the slightly uncomfortable laugh-thing to put them off. I’m pretty sure a bunch of them think I’m lesbian, because I’ll never admit to seeing anyone when they ask – they do that whole “are you seeing any guys… or girls!” thing.

    I think this year during the uncomfortable holiday season, I’ll just respond that no, I’m thinking of adopting twenty cats though, because in 5 years time I’ll be 30, and officially ‘on the shelf.’

  7. These are all so much better than my usual response of “No.” *insert rolling eyes here* I’m totally busting out some Spice Girls the next time someone asks me!!

  8. I’m sick of my family members asking me if I am dating anyone. No Grandma, I know you think I’m handsome and funny, but apparently the ladies don’t like dick and fart jokes.

    Your responses are much better than my typical “I think you find love when you’re not looking for it.” *Vomits*

  9. dreamcreateexpress says:

    Loving your blog!! Particularly this post, I think I might try a few of those responses out myself 🙂

      1. Should totally let you know that the Doomsday excuse works!
        My husband suggested cleaning out the attic. I told him, “What for? We should enjoy the mess. In 2012, all will be lost. Doomsday you know?”
        He looked at me all weird.
        So in conclusion: NO ATTIC CLEANING!!

  10. […] I get asked this a lot. I also get asked variations of this such as "Seeing anyone special?" "How's the dating life?"  " Still single?" and the somewhat insulting "Signed up for online dating yet? You're not getting younger and prettier." So, I have a lot of practice answering it in the least pathetic and dignified way possible- which usually goes something like " Thanks so much for caring, I'm sure I will meet someone special someday. Until then … Read More […]

  11. dnici says:

    I love your blog! And I love your responses to this question. I hate getting asked that. I will have to use the one about having them locked in the basement. That one is great! And I love aka gringita’s one about asking them a personal question. I’ll have to use that one too. I usually just ignore the question all together and instead talk about all of the great stuff I bought for myself while I was supposed to be shopping for everyone else (the new purse, the too-cute shoes, the amazing dress, etc.). Keep up the great work, I look forward to your blog every day.

  12. A good reply that I started to use after I got fed up with everyone being so thoroughly concerned about my dating status with no intention of actually dating me is:
    — “No, I don’t (and while they look at me with their “poor you faces” I continue to say)…Yeah…but then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better” —

    (I actually stole that from 27 Dresses. It works and it’s a lot of fun – for me anyway.)

    1. You aren’t a loser. They are just nosy. You are a winner and next time they ask you can say “No, but I’m not a loser. Girl on the Contrary says I’m a winner.” and then they will just stare at you in awe because what Girl on the Contrary says is always true.

  13. Have I mentioned *lately* that I love your blog and read it avidly? No? Well, I do. There ya go.

    Back on topic, omigosh, this is my biggest pet peeve EVER. I find that even a really cheerful response still results in the sad look and some variation on, “Oh… That’s OK, you’ll meet someone.” Um, yes, I am single, yes, it IS “okay” and whether I meet someone or not is not the definition of my happiness. 😉

    But since saying that only INCREASES the amount of awkward tut-tutting I get, I have started to just laugh at the question. I let my eyes dance just a little – let them read into it what they will. But if prompted about what’s so amusing (“C’mon, is there a new guy you’re not telling me about?”) I either leave it a mystery, or I tell them that I find it *so amusing* the questions people think are appropriate to ask.

    [Why IS it considered OK to ask single people about whether they are pairing off? Why do people think it’s OK to ask childless couples about their procreation plans (also NOT a good idea)?]

    Other options for responding:

    (1) You can counter with comments about possibly “changing sides” — “no, but I’ve met the most *wonderful* woman lately and it’s really making me rethink things … (voice trails off dreamily) — that’s extra fun if you think that will provide any shock value; it’s less fun otherwise as then you’ll just get inquiries about whether you have a girlfriend yet.

    (2) You can counter with a question about their sex life, or some other highly personal topic (if that person might not find asking about their sex life to be too personal). When the person sputters, you respond with a big smile and a laugh, and then just shrug that you thought this was the probe-into-personal-lives portion of the conversation.

    (3) You can pull out any of your Thanksgiving argument-avoidance methods.

    1. Thank you so much for always reading my blog! It means a lot to me!!!! I love your responses, especially the one where I turn it around and ask something really personal of them. Plan on me using that. Thanks again!!! HEART.

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