Below are some highlights from the circus aka Thanksgiving. Please keep in mind, these are my relatives, so don’t be surprised at the bizarre nature of the comments. I get my absurdity honestly.
The Squirrel Anecdote
After lunch, while munching on chips and homemade salsa (This is Texas y’all) my 8-year old cousin randomly and brilliantly said this:
“Who knows somebody who has handcuffed a squirrel?” “I do.”
I mean, that is a stellar line. Who could not be stunned by such a fantastically wonderful question? Also, I love that she answered her own question without even giving anyone else a chance to answer. Of course, I highly doubt anyone knew someone who had handcuffed a squirrel. Although, now I can say I do, because guess what? It was my cousin who handcuffed the squirrel. You might be wondering how she could handcuff a squirrel. I know I was. Apparently, she used Barbie handcuffs. That’s right folks, there is a Barbie out there that comes with handcuffs. I’m really not sure what kind of Barbie it is- when I asked all I got was an ambiguous “jail” response. WHAT? Barbie went to jail? For what? Drug dealing? Or did she finally get busted for impersonating pilots, astronauts, and teachers? Whatever it was, they set her up with some serious handcuffs because they worked ON A SQUIRREL. For real. I’m not sure what would inspire my cousin to handcuff a squirrel but whatever that inspiration was, I want her to keep following it because it’s brilliant. (Don’t worry, I was assured no animal was harmed in this citizens arrest).
Random Opera singing
Oh yes, my Thanksgiving day and night was enhanced by completely random and un-requested opera singing. Beautiful, but odd.
I have some truly extraordinary cousins. Two of which, introduced me to the term “bingo wings”. What are bingo wings, you might be wondering? Well, you know when older women raise their arms to wave and they have that extra skin that flaps in the wind? Those are bingo wings. They are so-called because most of the women who have them play bingo- at least where they are from (which is East Texas).
(Please note this is not where I’m from, I’m from Austin which is central Texas which is NOT like East Texas- just wanted to clarify that)
The same cousins who introduced bingo wings to me also introduced the “slutshirt” to me. A slutshirt is like a sweatshirt. Sort of. A sweatshirt becomes a slutshirt when it is unable to contain the wearers boobs and they protrude from the sweatshirt- protruding boobs make it a slutshirt. My cousins gave me some excellent examples of people they know who turn sweatshirts into slutshirts but I don’t want to betray their trust by sharing those examples with you. Suffice it to say, when you see one you will know instantly that it’s a slutshirt and not a sweatshirt.
Raise your hand if you’re jealous you weren’t at my house for Thanksgiving. 😉