Secure That Man!

runaway groom

I have the privilege of visiting a local elementary school to mentor a little sweetie once a week and it has been such an incredible experience. Children crack me up. They are so brilliant and don’t even know it. I mean, how do these kids become such geniuses? A perfect example is what I witnessed there this week.

A group of second graders decided they wanted to play “wedding”. There was a bride, groom, birdesmaids, groomsmen, flower girl, ring-bearer, priest, and witnesses. These kids thought of everything. How do they know so much about weddings? They hummed a musical interlude (which sounded suspiciously like Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream”) and then it was time for the ceremony. The “groom” was hesitant to walk down the aisle (Ha!)  Right at the point that I was convinced the “groom” was about to make a break for the jump ropes across the playground, the “bride” yells out “Ya’ll better secure that man!” “I said, SECURE. THAT.  MAN.”

I may have died. Seriously. It was like, maybe one of the best lines I have ever heard. I was so jealous of that little girl- she was hilarious and I promise you, she had no idea she was being hilarious. If anything, she was seriously angry at the hesitant “groom”. She spoke with such authority I didn’t know whether to feel bad for the “groom” for being coerced into “wedding” or whether to think he had committed some crime he needed to be punished for. At that moment, I’m pretty sure I would have done anything the “bride” told me to do because though she was only 8, she definitely knew what the what was.

As I was watching this little drama play out from the relative obscurity of the swings, I felt like I was watching Earth from outer space- and let me tell you, the show was hysterical! It was a perfect little picture of grown-up life, brought to you by children. I was amazed and utterly dumbfounded. I repeat, how did these kids get so smart and insightful? Although, I’m fairly certain they don’t know they are being smart and insightful. They definitely don’t realize they are being funny because when I laughed out loud at the “Secure that man” line, the “bride” gave me a look that said “Uh, uh. This is not a joke. That man needs to be secured and you need to get that laughter under control.” I stopped laughing immediately. I didn’t want to ruin her wedding day.

13 thoughts on “Secure That Man!

  1. OpentoAdventure says:

    I absolutely love this post. Kids are brilliant enough on their own and then you go and write so awesomely about them! I’m looking forward to getting some of my own, I’m sure they’ll be ever so entertaining!


  2. My “like” button doesn’t seem to be working 😦 but I thought I’d let you know I tried.

    As a bride to be I find this hilarious but also terrifying – what if my groom makes a dash for it and the girl on the swings just laughs? Well I guess that’d be my own fault for not inviting you, so that’s fair enough. But much as I’d love to invite you we’re a bit tight on numbers, you’re in another country and I’d have to explain to someone that they couldn’t come because I was inviting my favourite-blogger-I’ve-never-met. This is what makes wedding planning a nightmare!

    1. That’s ok. I will be there in spirit. Like, if someone gets really drunk and makes a ridiculous speech you can just smile because it’s totally my spirit making that happen. Also, no way is your groom making a dash for it.

  3. Christina Adleman says:

    haha, dude, I loved this post!!! Isn’t it just great when kids are so sincere, and have no idea that what they said was outrageously hilarious? That example is just as good as when my little cousin who is six told me in all sincerity that the way they made stuffed animals was by finding a dead animal on the road, cutting it open, and stuffing it with anything fluffy. He believed it too. It took all I had not to laugh, because it would have crushed and bewildered the little guy, who is by far my favorite cousin. : D

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