Twitter Thinks I Suck At Flirting Too

Twitter has opinions on my love life. Very strong opinions. I had no idea Twitter was so invested in my love life. Oh, but it is. It’s very invested. So invested, that it has taken to suggesting that I follow romance novelists exclusively. I mean, I used to get suggestions for random celebrities and news organizations but now it is without exception romance novelists. Does Twitter really think this is going to help me? Apparently, it does.

Also, who do you think you are Twitter?! Getting all up in my business like that. You think you, who is nothing more than code and good marketing, can tell me what’s missing in my life? Sure, I’m not a good flirt. Sure, it’s been a while since I’ve had a relationship. Sure, I’m not very suave or charming when it comes to romance. Sure, I have a hard time speaking in front of attractive guys. Sure……oh, I see your point. Well played.

Ok, ok. I could use some help. You’ve won the argument there, but romance novels? I have a very hard time seeing how that is going to help at all. I’ve always had a distaste for these types of books. I find them to be unrealistic and the female characters weak. But, I haven’t read all that many so I could be wrong. Except for the unrealistic part. I’m pretty sure that these books are across the board extremely unrealistic. And unrealistic is the opposite of what I need. I already live too much in my imagination. I don’t need anything else in my life that pulls me from reality. Trust me, I’ve got that one more than covered. What I need, I think is something realistic. Something substantial. Something that gives me a lightbulb moment and suddenly makes flirting and romance easier. But, that seems pretty unrealistic in itself. Hmmm. Even my realistic wishes are unrealistic. Alas.

What I’m trying to say, Twitter, is this: please stop it with all the romance suggestions. Yes, you are correct in assessing that I’m lacking in that particular area of life, but your suggestions aren’t helping. In fact, they are just sort of silly. And sure, maybe I will come back to this in about 15 years when I’m really getting desperate but for now, please just go back to random celebrities as suggestions. I really do appreciate your concern but I think this is something I have to figure out for myself- without the “help” of romance novels. Ok?

Also, could I at least get more than 140 characters on my birthday? Like, as a gift? Just thought I would ask.

8 thoughts on “Twitter Thinks I Suck At Flirting Too

  1. I have to admit, I’m a great lover of all things techno, but I’ve been having a hard time with Twitter because of the length requirements. I mean, I’m a writer. It’s hard for me to put it down in 140 characters. So don’t worry about what Twitter says. He’s totally dumb – and not hot at all. 😉

  2. I wonder… maybe Twitter is working with Cupid on this. Pushing trashy romance novels electronically to force you to visit the bookshop, where even though you will never pick up said trashy romance novel, you will be in a place you find comfort and then voila! Into a nerdy bookworm you bump.

    Apologies and conversation ensue, and dare I say it – you may well be on your way to something!

    I’m tempted to post some encouraging words for potential daters everywhere when I get over my current bout of illness. We shall see.


  3. marinasleeps says:

    Great birthday request. Cause I never say anything less than 140!
    And you know, I trust Twitter will all my needs. I can’t imagine all the friends that Twitter knows. It knows Lindsey and Paris for god sake!
    Twitter is like God. It knows all and sees all.

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