Killer Birds!!!

scary crow
Devil bird.

I was just sitting in my fourth floor office, working away like the little worker bee I am when all of the sudden a huge scary face appeared in my window. My heart skipped a beat, I jumped about a mile in the air, and an almost inaudible screech escaped my lips. I was startled to say the least. Luckily, reason soon returned and I realized quickly it couldn’t be a face in the window- I work on the fourth floor. Unless someone has jumped a few steps in evolution and is now capable of flying there is no way a face could be in my window. Or you know, I guess it could have been a window-washer but flying makes for a much better story. Anyway, I guess it doesn’t really matter since it wasn’t a person at all, I’m just saying a flying person would be cool.

What that scary face actually was, was a devil crow bent on my destruction. That bird was so scary it actually scared the hell into me instead of out of me. And it just kept coming back and flying right at my window and terrifying me. This bird was like super smart/evil. It was using my peripheral vision against me. It’s like the devil crow knew I could only catch a quick view of it and that I might misinterpret that quick view as something like an evil floating face, or ghost, or evil sprite. Which, by the way, are all really reasonable conclusions to jump to when images of things appear in your window. And the devil crow knew this. It knew me. It knew all my thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams and was trying to use them against me. Like Freddy Krueger uses dreams against people to kill them. That’s Freddy Krueger right? I don’t really watch scary movies because my imagination is already pretty overactive and a little twisted and I don’t really need to add more things to freak myself out with. The point is that the devil bird was some kind of evil genius bird that for some reason unbeknownst to me was hell-bent on scaring me to death. And maybe possessing my soul. I’m not too clear on the details.

The worst part was the devil bird brought friends. More and more evil birds flew at my window. And now I think I’m cursed. I mean, that many devil birds outside your office window means you’re cursed right? I’m totally cursed. These birds want blood. My blood. Aw geez. This is bad you guys. Death by killer devil birds.

The Birds

Not even Alfred Hitchcock could figure out a way for me to get out of this. I’m doomed.

11 thoughts on “Killer Birds!!!

  1. Craig W says:

    “evil sprite”. Well, I don’t choose to drink it myself, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “evil”. I know you were trying to throw us off with the Failure to Capitalize strategy, but I’m hip to it.

  2. Nooooooooooo!!!!

    Those evil crows know no mercy do they?! Scaring the hell into you AND triggering Freddy Krueger-related paranoia at the same time!

    You’re right – this is bad. I’m sending you all the jazz-hand power I can muster to try to help tip the scales in your favour again!

  3. “a devil crow bent on my destruction” 😀

    You should check out the worst movie of all time, Birdemic. The trailers are so hilariously bad that I think any fear of birds will vanish upon viewing.

  4. marinasleeps says:

    Oh I totally agree. Since the movie The Birds I do not truth those crows. Who knows? They might be planning a mission to overthrow mankind and take over!
    And those little buggars, show no fear! They stay in my back yard despite the dog, the cat, and me waving a broom around like a mad woman.
    Damn those bastards!

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