Hopeless, Pitiful, Discount Prostitute

Sad Face
This is what I feel like. Only funnier. And less pathetic. I guess this isn't really what I feel like at all.

Somehow in the course of a conversation with a good friend (who has now been demoted to being “that guy”) I was called a hopeless, pitiful, discount prostitute. Let me explain….

Hopeless. Apparently if everything anyone says immediately reminds you of something lyrical or literary you are hopeless. This came about when we were discussing hip replacements and the first two things that came to my mind were “Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira and “Hip Hop Hooray—- Ho Hey—- Ho” from that rap song I can’t remember the name of. I was singing these all day. Also, I may have begun a rendition of “Defying Gravity” from Wicked for no reason whatsoever other than I love that song. And then I couldn’t stop thinking about the book. All of this makes me hopeless. This is a lesson I learned today.

Pitiful- I don’t mind going to the movies by myself. That makes me pitiful. I didn’t know that. I thought I was just being independent and not letting my solitary status hold me back from doing things I want to do. “If I’m flying solo, at least I’m flying free” -oops there I go being hopeless again. Back to being pitiful, I don’t really think I am. Although I guess people who see me at movies by myself think I am. Apparently. This was all news to me.

Discount Prostitute- I don’t like expensive dates. According to “that guy” formerly “good friend” this makes me a discount prostitute. Except I don’t really think it does. At all. Also, I don’t think he actually said this as much as implied it. He didn’t actually call me a discount prostitute but it felt like he did. It felt like he was judging me with judging eyes and thinking very poorly of my character. Except he wasn’t. I may be being a bit dramatic. Especially because I asked him if he was calling me a discount prostitute and he was appalled I thought that. I was appalled he didn’t realize that saying “she’s cheap” could easily be mistaken for “she’s a discount prostitute”. Anyway, I probably shouldn’t hold this one against him. But I’m pretty sure he meant it the way I took it even if he didn’t know he meant it that way.

Begrudgingly, I am letting him off the hook for “discount prostitute” because I have a very generous and forgiving heart. However, “pititful” and “hopeless” will still be held against him. Because I’m not those things. Except this was kind of the highlight conversation of my day so maybe I am pitiful and hopeless. Alas.

32 thoughts on “Hopeless, Pitiful, Discount Prostitute

  1. Hmm, I guess I’m hopeless and pathetic too because I like going out alone sometimes and just about everything in the world reminds me of a song (in my defense, though, this might somehow be genetic, since both my mom and my grandma are the same way).

  2. *Breathes a sigh of relief*.
    I’m so glad someone is as dramatic as me!
    Discount Prostitute is the new black. Put it on a T-shirt and wrap it around your mammories and stand out, Girlfriend.

  3. OpentoAdventure says:

    I do a similar thing with movie lines, songs and obscure TV ads. If we lived in the same country I’d offer to accompany you to the movies because I also often catch a movie on my own. But alack, it is not to be. “Hip Hop Hooray” spent a glorious week at number one in 1993; today it again reaches prominence in my head for another 24 hours.

  4. Speaking as a person who just had a bit of a thing with a good friend who we’ll call “That Girl,” I have actually taken some time to really think about some of the things Girl has said to me.

    Sure, you have a really open heart. You are really forgiving.

    Me too.

    Guess what? I’ve hit the breaking point with That Girl because she just likes to rip on me. I guess it makes her feel good. I mean, if ONLY she would call me a discount prostitue. That’s actually kinda funny, but “pitiful” and “hopeless” . . . well, if he believes these things to be true about you: 1) why do you want to be around this person and 2) why does he want to be around you? Maybe it’s time to take a little break. Some of the most serious things are often said in jest.

    I’m done with That Girl. She enjoys using people, stepping on them to make herself feel important. At one time, I was her good friend, but I’ve come to realize, that ship has sailed. Food for thought.

    And I’m glad you’re dancing! 😉

    1. Yes, please don’t hate him. He is actually a good friend and I just wanted to give him a hard time because he just kept talking and talking and digging himself in deeper yesterday. Thanks for the support though! I love my blogging family!!!

  5. Tell Ninny Boy to shove off. People make me feel “hopeless” all the time for laughing about everything and having a mind that wanders. Their minds wander too, I just verbalize it. I’d rather be thought of as silly and naive than boring and cynical.
    So don’t worry. I do pretty much all of those things. I shop alone, I eat lunch alone (in the foodcourt of the mall some saturdays, that is) and I dont bloody mind it! We all love you. And we are all united in our hatred for Ninny Boy (aka “that guy”)

  6. Note to “That Guy”: Going places you want to go, alone or otherwise, just because you want to go there, does not By Any Means make a person Pitiful.

    On the other hand, NOT being able to do something you want to, “because no one can/will go with me” (ie missing out on your own life because of some other person or lack thereof) *might* perhaps make a person a wee bit Pitiful.

    And calling someone Pitiful because they are OK enough with themselves to go places alone if they so choose, *might* make someone closeminded and judgemental. Tell That Guy (aka Judgy Judgerson) to go jump in a lake! 🙂

    1. Oh no! Now I feel bad. Everyone hates “that guy” but he is actually a really good friend of mine. None of this hurt my feelings- I thought it was quite funny actually. But you are right, I’m glad I don’t miss out on my life because of worrying about what other people think.

  7. cooper says:

    Hmmm…sounds like I’m hopeless and definitely pitiful.

    As for prostitute…nice of “that guy” to equate dating with prostitution…very enlightened…

  8. marinasleeps says:

    Hmmm, well you might be a discount prostitute but what does that make him? Huh? Huh? Yea I don’t know either … at least you got a cool unique label. Girl On The Contrary just aint a prostitute but a discounted one.
    We all love discounts. So I guess we love you.
    I Heart you!

  9. Okay. Going to the movies by yourself definitely doesn’t make you pitiful. It makes you awesome. Before I was married *and now that I am once again en route to solo* I went to the movies by myself whenever something was playing that I wanted to see, when I wanted to see it. Sometimes I didn’t even bother to ask friends to go–I could concentrate better on the movie if nobody was there distracting me. I think your “that guy” just thinks its pitiful because most people are too terrified of people THINKING they suck to go anywhere alone. And I’m including restaurant in this. Going to the movies, bookstore, dinner, whatever, alone doesn’t make you pitiful. It makes you awesome.

    As for everything reminding you of lyrics and literary stuff…that happens to me too. So there’s at least one other weird girl out there who thinks the same way. I have a constant soundtrack rolling in my head. It’s generally techno. But it helps get me through the day.

    Tell that guy to stuff it 🙂 And to get out by himself more. He might like it.

  10. He says:

    “He” did not imply any of those things. “He” likes to run his mouth and make jokes. Now you take those strikes of “His” record.

  11. mandra9 says:

    You aren’t hopeless. Or pitiful. I’ve gone to movies by myself and *gasp* out to eat alone. My boyfriend is currently a bajillion miles away and I would rather have some fun (alone) than sit at home and mope. The song thing? I do it too. Someone will mention something and suddenly I break out into song and dance. In my head. I can’t vouch for you about the discount prostitute thing but it sounds like “that guy” needs to loosen up a bit, or get himself a real discount prostitute to take to the movies.

    1. Haha! No he’s a good friend, I’m just giving him a hard time. Don’t worry my feelings aren’t hurt. And I definitely won’t stop going to the movies by myself and singing and dancing when I feel like it. In fact, I’m dancing right now as I write this…..

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