Lately, I’ve found myself wanting to say a lot of things I probably shouldn’t. The only difference between lately and every other time is that I am actually restraining myself, which is quite the accomplishment for me. Unfortunately that means I have a lot of snark that is bottled up and dying to get out. So, I decided to write a blog about all the things I wish I could have said this week but didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t because I probably would have been arrested/fired/shunned/murdered.
To a client at work: Screw you.
To a client at work: Your Mother.
To Google: Um, correct me if I’m wrong but I think your logo is don’t be evil- you seem to be confused on that.
To a client at work: You aren’t paying me enough for me to do my job plus become your therapist.
To the high-school aged boy who kept grabbing his crotch: Look kid, if you haven’t found it by now, it’s just not there.
To the women who took my parking spot: I curse you with an empty and joyless life. (I really wanted that parking spot)
To someone I don’t like: Oh yeah? Well you are nothing more than a two-bit used car salesman with an ego trip and a head full of pathetic delusions. Oh, and one more thing. Your Mother.
To the person on the highway I saw texting and driving: Just because your life isn’t worth more than a 5 cent text message doesn’t mean mine isn’t. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN MORON!
To the guy making fun of my non-iPhone: Just because your self-worth is wrapped around an inanimate object that can’t give you love (although I’m sure they will soon develop and app for that) doesn’t mean mine has to be. P.S. Your Mother.
To myself when I am thinking these mean things: Hey! Meany McMeanster. How abut giving people a break and not being so quick to hate on them. Except for that client at work and the person you don’t like- feel free to continue thinking (but not saying) means things to them. They totally deserve it. But be nicer to everyone else.
I’m pretty sure you can all tell it’s been a bit of a rough week so I apologize for the mean-ish post. I’m usually much nicer than this. I mean, I didn’t actually say any of these things but I definitely thought them. So, I’m feeling kind of bad for that but also, I just needed to vent a little bit. And since I have a small though captive audience on this blog I thought it would be a nice outlet. I hope I didn’t bum you out. Feel free to share the things you wish you could have said this week but knew you shouldn’t!
Also, YAY it’s Friday!!!!