Something Tells Me I Shouldn’t Say This

Free Speech WWII

Lately, I’ve found myself wanting to say a lot of things I probably shouldn’t. The only difference between lately and every other time is that I am actually restraining myself, which is quite the accomplishment for me. Unfortunately that means I have a lot of snark that is bottled up and dying to get out. So, I decided to write a blog about all the things I wish I could have said this week but didn’t and I’m glad I didn’t because I probably would have been arrested/fired/shunned/murdered.

To a client at work: Screw you.

To a client at work: Your Mother.

To Google: Um, correct me if I’m wrong but I think your logo is don’t be evil- you seem to be confused on that.

To a client at work: You aren’t paying me enough for me to do my job plus become your therapist.

To the high-school aged boy who kept grabbing his crotch: Look kid, if you haven’t found it by now, it’s just not there.

To the women who took my parking spot: I curse you with an empty and joyless life. (I really wanted that parking spot)

To someone I don’t like: Oh yeah? Well you are nothing more than a two-bit used car salesman with an ego trip and a head full of pathetic delusions. Oh, and one more thing. Your Mother.

To the person on the highway I saw texting and driving: Just because your life isn’t worth more than a 5 cent text message doesn’t mean mine isn’t. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN MORON!

To the guy making fun of my non-iPhone: Just because your self-worth is wrapped around an inanimate object that can’t give you love (although I’m sure they will soon develop and app for that) doesn’t mean mine has to be. P.S. Your Mother.

To myself when I am thinking these mean things: Hey! Meany McMeanster. How abut giving people a break and not being so quick to hate on them. Except for that client at work and the person you don’t like- feel free to continue thinking (but not saying) means things to them. They totally deserve it. But be nicer to everyone else.

I’m pretty sure you can all tell it’s been a bit of a rough week so I apologize for the mean-ish post. I’m usually much nicer than this. I mean, I didn’t actually say any of these things but I definitely thought them. So, I’m  feeling kind of bad for that but also, I just needed to vent a little bit. And since I have a small though captive audience on this blog I thought it would be a nice outlet. I hope I didn’t bum you out. Feel free to share the things you wish you could have said this week but knew you shouldn’t!

Also, YAY it’s Friday!!!!

20 thoughts on “Something Tells Me I Shouldn’t Say This

  1. blisstrack says:

    To a person I don’t like: stop trying to be nice to me! I DON’T want to talk to you anymore!!!!!
    To my physiology professor: please PLEASE shut up!
    🙂 sorry if I write something wrong, english is not my native language 🙂 but it feels as good to say those things in english or spanish. I like your writing 🙂 If you know spanish… check my blog! BYE!

  2. Well just so you know, tonight is Yom Kippur. If you Google it (on the non-evil) Google, you will see it is the major Day of Atonement for Jews everywhere. Basically, you just confessed all (okay, some) of the things that you did (okay thought about doing) this year (okay, this week). But the reality is, you didn’t DO any of them. You showed tremendous restraint, which is admirable in my book. So, I hereby make you an honorary Jew for the next 24 hours (which is when, supposedly, as we fast, the Big One is making decisions about who will die by fire and who by water, who will die with a tortured soul and who in peace, etc…). You can even eat!

    Here’s to a better week next week, and may you have a fabulous year in 5771.

    xoxoRASJ
    Come visit me at “Lessons For Teachers and Twits”
    http://rasjacobson.wordpress.com

    1. Hey Contrary Girl, I was just about to say how happy “Meany McMeanster” made me when I saw RASJ chiming in with some brilliant Jewishness conferment. I was surprised and pumped to find my two favorite peeps in the blogosphere in one snarkalicious spot. You both are super sweet.

  3. A teenage girl died in a car accident in this area recently. She turned in front of a truck in an 80km/hr zone. She was texting and driving.

    In a small town, you get all the gossip. Apparently earlier that night she’d done something teenagery and her parents had confiscated her car keys. She’d stolen them back and snuck out of the house.

    It gets worse. Her father was in the rescue service truck that was the first to arrive at the scene of the accident.

    I can’t begin to imagine how her parents feel…

    DON’T TEXT AND DRIVE!

  4. marinasleeps says:

    I was yelling at this lady in the car in front of me this morning. In my head. She wouldn’t stay in her lane. Damn, this wasn’t the Indy 500!

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