Since this seemed to be a popular post I decided to make it a monthly series. Basically, I’m going to be chronicling my failed attempts at flirting. In the interest of not being a flirting failure anymore I am sincerely going to try to flirt. My days of hiding in the utility closet are over- probably. I mean, I can’t promise anything- my flirtation skills are nonexistent so this will probably take a lot of time. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my humiliation- I fully expect for hilarity to ensue.
I had a meeting with a really hot guy last month, which is basically my worst nightmare realized. I was not prepared in the least to have to represent myself to someone as hot as him. So my heart stopped for about 2 seconds and then I said to myself “Hey self! Pull it together. You MUST SPEAK NOW.” So, I said hello which I am chalking up as a major victory. I even made eye contact. Then he started talking to me and being really nice and smiling and I was like- hey man, if we are going to be able to talk to one another you are really going to need to become a douche bag immediately. Because I really can’t talk to a hot guy who is also nice. He didn’t become a douche bag though so basically I just had to screw up my courage and talk. Even though what we were talking about was not in any way flirtatious the fact that I was able to speak at all should definitely count as a win. Anyway, someone later told me he actually is a douche bag.
I went to Starbucks on a break from work and ordered my usual non-fat chai. I was waiting patiently for my delicious chai when I heard them call a name that isn’t mine. Then they called it again. And again. Apparently the person who took my order wrote my name down wrong. When I approached the counter to inquire if it was my name they should have been calling I realized the guy at the counter was incredibly good looking. Gulp. Panic took over but I really wanted my chai so I spoke up and asked him if it was me they were actually trying to call. He apologized and made some sort of cute remark to which I replied “No worries, it happens.” which I think was a stellar response. And I was smiling. But I was also looking directly at my coffee the whole time so I think we should call this one a draw.
Cute guy at my office. We are walking towards the same door. So, of course, I hurry up my walk , say “Excuse me” when I cut him off, and get the hell out of there. This one seems like a fail.
I saw a really attractive fellow walking towards me in a parking garage. Immediately my eyes became glued to the pavement. Typical. I mean, this probably wasn’t a chance to flirt but I could have at least smiled. Actually, I couldn’t have smiled. A normal person could have at least smiled. Not me, it was pretty much ordained by fate that my eyes would be glued to the pavement without a smile for miles. Alas.
So, for the last month I have 1 victory (remember I count it as a victory if I am able to speak, smile, and look at them in the eyes), 1 draw, and 2 losses. So, not great. Also, not really flirting but it’s all about baby steps people.