I’m going to be honest here folks- it’s getting a little awkward out there for me. Most of my closest friends are now coupled up- which is great, I am really thrilled for them. I’m just not sure I’m thrilled about how it’s effecting me. Because really, shouldn’t we all be thinking about how things effect me?
I was at a party recently that I was having a really good time at. Good food, friends, bananagrams, and all the sugary treats I could eat. I was having a good time until I realized that I was the only one there without a significant other. Then it got uncomfortable. I mean, no one was doing anything to make me deliberately uncomfortable- it just was. Once I had that realization I got out of there fast. Because, I don’t really think they wanted me there- it was getting to that time of night when all couples just want to make-out in the dark and I was standing in the way of that. I’m pretty sure it turned into a grown-up version of seven minutes in heaven the second I walked out the door. I’m just saying, it was awkward. So, I had to come up with a plan, a set of rules, to help me survive the inevitable awkwardness that comes with being the only single in a life full of couples.
1. Don’t look when a couple are making-out. But I have to be honest, it’s hard to look away because, gross, do I look like that when I’m making-out??
2. Make a game out of it. I take a shot every time I hear someone say “honey”, “sweetheart”, “darling”, “pookie”, “babe”, “baby”, “angel”, or any variations of these (babyangel is a personal fave). That way, YAY! It’s fun. Also, it helps with the loneliness. Just sayin.
3. Don’t gag when you hear a girlfriend say to a boyfriend “can we spilt this hamburger, I can’t eat it all by myself.” Yes, you can.
4. Dance. When it gets intense and uncomfortable, I just dance it out. Even if it isn’t appropriate to the situation. Sure, we might be eating at a nice restaurant but the robot is a classy dance.
5. Become Tina Fey. She can handle all awkward situations with humor. When the couples come out so does my comedic shtick.
6. Bring up a really upsetting topic when couples start getting a little too coupley. Like they start cuddling and baby-talking to one another and I say things like “Did you guys hear about that new strain of herpes?”
7. Bring a book to read. This is just good sense.
6. Blog about your experiences, it’s cathartic and hilarious.
Feel free to use these rules if you too are a single in a life full of couples. Feel free to use these rules if you are part of a couple too. Especially if you’re significant other says “baby” a lot and you follow rule number 2 because then you will probably have a really fun relationship. I’m just sayin.