Survival of a Single Girl in a Life Full of Couples.

third wheel
I'm the one on the left. If you couldn't guess...

I’m going to be honest here folks- it’s getting a little awkward out there for me. Most of my closest friends are now coupled up- which is great, I am really thrilled for them. I’m just not sure I’m thrilled about how it’s effecting me. Because really, shouldn’t we all be thinking about how things effect me?

I was at a party recently that I was having a really good time at. Good food, friends, bananagrams, and all the sugary treats I could eat. I was having a good time until I realized that I was the only one there without a significant other. Then it got uncomfortable. I mean, no one was doing anything to make me deliberately uncomfortable- it just was. Once I had that realization I got out of there fast. Because, I don’t really think they wanted me there- it was getting to that time of night when all couples just want to make-out in the dark and I was standing in the way of that. I’m pretty sure it turned into a grown-up version of seven minutes in heaven the second I walked out the door. I’m just saying, it was awkward. So, I had to come up with a plan, a set of rules, to help me survive the inevitable awkwardness that comes with being the only single in a life full of couples.

1. Don’t look when a couple are making-out. But I have to be honest, it’s hard to look away because, gross, do I look like that when I’m making-out??

2. Make a game out of it. I take a shot every time I hear someone say “honey”, “sweetheart”, “darling”, “pookie”, “babe”, “baby”, “angel”, or any variations of these (babyangel is a personal fave). That way, YAY! It’s fun. Also, it helps with the loneliness. Just sayin.

3. Don’t gag when you hear a girlfriend say to a boyfriend “can we spilt this hamburger, I can’t eat it all by myself.” Yes, you can.

4. Dance. When it gets intense and uncomfortable, I just dance it out. Even if it isn’t appropriate to the situation. Sure, we might be eating at a nice restaurant but the robot is a classy dance.

5. Become Tina Fey. She can handle all awkward situations with humor. When the couples come out so does my comedic shtick.

6. Bring up a really upsetting topic when couples start getting a little too coupley. Like they start cuddling and baby-talking to one another and I say things like “Did you guys hear about that new strain of herpes?”

7. Bring a book to read. This is just good sense.

6. Blog about your experiences, it’s cathartic and hilarious.

Feel free to use these rules if you too are a single in a life full of couples. Feel free to use these rules if you are part of a couple too. Especially if you’re significant other says “baby” a lot and you follow rule number 2 because then you will probably have a really fun relationship. I’m just sayin.

31 thoughts on “Survival of a Single Girl in a Life Full of Couples.

  1. Thank you for spreading some smiles around about this couple related awkwardness. I can definitely relate …
    Unfortunately, I have moved on to the next stage .. where all those couples now have children as the center of their lives .. now, I can’t even blend in any more. Do you have any humorous rules for this stage, yet?

    1. Act just like the children act. If they spit up their food- you spit up your food. If they start yelling and tearing through the restaurant, then you start yelling and tearing through the restaurant. That will teach them.

  2. I am going to give you some insider couple info.
    We make you feel uncomfortable because we are jealous that you are living the dream. So all that pookie angelbaby stuff, makes you and running man dance, maybe I’ll just throw a hair brush next time.

  3. “When it gets intense and uncomfortable, I just dance it out. Even if it isnโ€™t appropriate to the situation.” See that? You went and made me happy again. Also, did you hear about that new strain of herpes going around?

  4. As a similarly affected single person, I congratulate you for having such a variety of coping mechanisms for awkwardness around coupled friends! I’m a bit of a Running Man fan myself when it comes to rule #4, and the shots idea is pure gold!

      1. Wow, a shout out to me?! That is currently the best thing that has ever happened to me! Now it feels like Christmas Eve, I can’t wait for your post tomorrow!

        But really, I look forward to your posts every day anyway. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Classic! I know the feeling. And really, it’s not so much that they do a lot of stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable but I always jump to worst case scenario with couple friends (ie. oh gawd, next it will be marriage and babies and the only thing they’ll want to talk about is their children, and then they’ll only be friends with other couples who have children, and then I’ll be left out to dry with the other single cat ladies).

    Erm, overreaction perhaps? Maybe not?

  6. Rule # 4 is a must! I tell my teen daughter everyday if it gets weird just dance it out no one will notice or remember anything else.

    “4. Dance. When it gets intense and uncomfortable, I just dance it out. Even if it isnโ€™t appropriate to the situation. Sure, we might be eating at a nice restaurant but the robot is a classy dance.”

  7. GREAT advice. It’s so interesting for me, just a few short months ago I was half of one of those annoying couples. For 7 years. And now, looking in as a single gal on all these annoyingly happy (or unhappy) people, I’m kind of annoyed at my old self. I did a lot of things that probably made my single friends feel a little bit like outsiders. I guess, live and learn. I’m printing out this advice and keeping it in my purse. Laminated, of course.

  8. marinasleeps says:

    OK I am part of a couple and I have to say in our defense. I def can eat a whole burger. Never did I need my man (cause I’m a girl just in case you were wondering) to eat my food for me! I can put some men to shame with the way I eat. Buffets fear me! Hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t have put this out there ….

  9. dnici says:

    Hahaha, I laughed out loud when I read rule number three. That is the best one. I even have a friend that won’t order her own beer at a restaurant and insists on sharing her boyfriend’s beer. Only to have him end up ordering four beers, two of which she drinks.

    Also, if you don’t mind, I would like to put a link to this on my facebook. All of my single friends will love it! Thanks for the great blog, it always cheers me up or makes a good day even better!

  10. You don’t have to approve this one–I am just letting you know I linked to one of your posts on my blog. I don’t have a ton of readers, but the ones I do, I know they would love that one!
    You rock!

  11. I am going to be a single, formerly a couple. And I plan on printing this guide out and keeping it in my wallet, so I don’t forget it isn’t just me.

    I especially plan on using #5. Tina Fey is freaking awesome.
    Also–blog about the experience–great advice!

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