I completely stalk my blog stats. We all know this. Some might consider it a problem but I think all of you bloggers understand my tendency towards stat stalking. One of my favorite thing to see is what terms are being searched on Google that led people to my blog. Lately, it’s been beyond awesome. Let me share a few of my favorites….
We are heavily flirting, she likes me. – Ok- I don’t understand why someone would put this into a search engine. Are they unsure of what to do next? Or do they just want the world to know that they are very successful flirters? I bet it’s just bragging. Like, “hey Google, bet you can’t flirt as well as I can. This girl totally digs my chili and wants to make-out with me. Has that ever happened to you Google?” and then Google is like, “C’mon man. You know I’m just a search engine, it’s really not cool to keep shoving what I can’t do in my face.” and then Google will create some type of application that allows it to flirt with girls and will probably make like a billion dollars on it. Who’s the winner in that case Mr. Braggy?
Is he eye flirting?– No. He just has pink eye. Which is a form of chlamydia. That guy you like has eye chlamydia. It’s time to take a look at your life. Or maybe he is eye flirting. I have to be honest and say I’m not sure what that means really- is it like winking? Because if he just keeps winking at you then he might have tourette syndrome. If it’s tourettes you should date him, if it’s eye chlamydia go ahead and date him but wash your hands a lot.
My friend’s boyfriend is a douche.- He for sure is. I know. We all have friends who have douche bags for boyfriends. I even wrote a blog about how to tell your friends that their boyfriends are douche bags. Here is another idea though- send an anonymous postcard to the douche bag that says “Hey, you’re a douche bag.” because maybe he doesn’t know and then he will be really glad someone pointed it out and turn into an awesome boyfriend to your friend. Or maybe he will continue the douchebaggery but at least you told him. I don’t know. I just think mailing things is fun.
Is my boyfriend a douche?– If you are asking Google then the answer is yes. Yes he is. He is DEFINITELY a douche bag. If he wasn’t a douche bag you wouldn’t be seeking advice from a search engine. I’m sorry. It’s brutal but true. You have fallen under the douchey spell of a class-A douche bag. Google can’t help you. But I can. That’s why Google sent you to me. They knew I would be just what you needed. Also, they know I use the word “douche bag” quite a lot.
How to tell a friend we hate her boyfriend.– I feel like I already answered this question….
Douche bags.– This makes me really proud. Thanks you guys.
My best friends boyfriend is a douche.– Am I repeating the same day over and over again? Because I could swear I already answered this one…..
Your boyfriends a douche.– Yeah he is. And now Google knows it too. That will show him.
How to find out if your boyfriends a douche. – He is. If you are typing these words in Google then that man is a DOUCHE BAG. Trust me. There is no “finding out” , you already know he is. Trust yourself (but mostly just trust me).
Hugs and emotional health.– Care Bears!! Although I’m not sure my blog is really the place to go for emotional health. Emotional disturbance, emotional psychosis, even emotional masochism, but not health. Sorry.
Why do I get hugs and feel like it’s never enough? Because you are a sociopath and can’t feel human emotion. OR- because you can never have too many hugs. It’s one of those reasons.
Cute virtual hugs.– Care Bears!! I am sending you all virtual hugs right now- and they are really cute ones too.
So the theme for my blog is apparently “douche bags”, “hugs” and ” flirting” . I’m pretty happy with that. And I have all of you to thank for it! So thanks, thanks for making my blog the definitive voice on douche bags, hugs, and flirting. My life is definitely headed in the right direction. HEART.