Something About Decapitating Your Lover Seems Wrong.

So, I’ve been watching a lot of Discovery Channel (uh, last week was Shark Week- duh.) and Animal Planet. I’ve come to the conclusion that nature is really cruel and sometimes super gross. I mean, I definitely still love nature and I really love being out in it I just don’t want to see it that close anymore. This is one of those “ignorance is bliss” moments.

Take the female Praying Mantis. She takes a lover- then afterward decapitates him. She chews (or chops or something) his head off! And it’s like, sheesh, he can’t have been that bad. Also, I can’t figure out if he knows it’s coming or not. Like does he know that after the sex he is going to DIE? Because if he knows, well then fair play. But if he doesn’t…something about it just seems wrong. Because, why does he have to die? Can’t she just hit it and quit it? Why death? Nature is confusing and brutal.

Praying Mantis Eating Her Mate
She is EATING her lover!! I bet they didn't mention that on her eHarmony profile.

I also saw this episode where a small lion-like creature ( I wasn’t really paying attention to the name) attacked this really pretty seemingly defenseless bird. And it’s like- hey you big jerk lion pick on someone your own size and leave the pretty bird alone. But then right after that they showed that pretty bird murdering a snake or something and so I guess it wasn’t that defenseless.

Is anyone else really worried about the circle of violence in nature? No one? No? Just me? Fair enough. And I know it’s nature and we aren’t supposed to really mess with it and just let it be but maybe there could be like etiquette classes for animals where they learn that is isn’t nice to brutally murder each other. And also you could teach them how to serve tea because that would be a pretty amazing trick.

So- I think I’m sort of done with watching these shows because they just make me feel really sad about the state of the world. It just seems like if praying mantis couples, who seem like they have everything going for them, can’t make it then no one can. Alas.

19 thoughts on “Something About Decapitating Your Lover Seems Wrong.

  1. Speaking of animals, sex and death… I was doing a little research of my own for a post that never made it past draft and I discovered this little tidbit that I thought you might appreciate:

    Female ferrets will actually die if they go into heat and are unable to mate. It seems the poor lasses will stay in heat until they get lucky and the excess estrogen causes anaemia and ultimately, death. 😦

    For once, there’s a female that can actually honestly say “If I do not get some sex soon I will die!”

    Lucky ferret-men.

      1. You’re very welcome. πŸ™‚

        The World needs to be aware of the disasterous effect that lack of sex can have on ferrets! I’ve been telling everyone who will listen since I found out on Monday – I hope you have more luck raising awareness than I have had so far.

  2. Oh, man, you should watch Discovery some more (or not) because praying mantis’ aren’t the only ones who eat their mates. Some spiders do, as well as other ones. There is also the male angler fish who attaches himself to the larger female and never, ever unattaches himself to her (literally it’s ’til’ death do us part). He gives her a steady supply of sperm while they meld together and she gives him nutrients.

    Yes, I know all sorts of useless information. I’m wracking my brain for other examples, but I think the males who get the short end of the stick with the sex deal know it’s coming when they a) bite off their head b) get poisoned or c) can never dettach themselves from their lover.

    Those male spiders, mantis’, ect. will keep on having sex and dying cause’ of it. I just hope it was some good sex to get eaten up afterwards.

  3. Ghetto_Philosopher says:

    I think you should imagine that the praying mantis loves her partner so much that she can’t let him be with no one else. She loves him so much that she’d rather have him die than break up with her. Humans do that. Either that or it’s a very cheap divorce. I think she gets custody. I can’t help but wonder though, what pickup line she used to get him though; “You should get with me honey, my body is to die for”.

      1. Ghetto_Philosopher says:

        How about “I’m the highway to heaven”? I borrowed your idea a little bit. It was that good.

  4. hippiecahier says:

    Whatever you do, do NOT change the channel to Bravo. Chances are there’s an episode of Real Housewives on. By comparison, the male preying mantis is in good shape.

    Very funny post! I subscribed (yesterday, I think?) when you were deservedly freshly pressed.

  5. I saw a program once about this certain kind of spider that does the same kind of thing. While they mate, the female puts this sticker in the male and slowly poisons him. She does this because more sperm comes out of the male if she poisons him than if she doesn’t. Then he dies and she has a million babies. Ahhhhh. I think it’s super cool but also terrifying.
    You might not have wanted to hear about that. Oh well…

    1. Ha isn’t it just the best? I haven’t seen it and I don’t particularly want to, but it always makes me giggle once I stop feeling weirded out..

  6. Hello,
    You were in my “tag surfer” feed today, and since I A) loved your post and B) bookmarked your blog (because I admire anyone who can write with humor, that being something I can’t pull off), I thought I should say hello.

    So hi. πŸ™‚

    ~Heather

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