This is what I look like on days with low visits. It hurts me, it really does. Am I being overly sensitive and dramatic? No. You are being overly sensitive and dramatic- now leave me alone! (Flees room crying and slams the door).
Please stay. I’m sorry I cried and yelled and slammed the door. That was very wrong of me indeed. I just got caught up in the emotion. Heat of the moment and all that. Deep breaths. Ok? Now let’s blog.
I don’t know why I want people to read this blog. I really don’t. I’m not sure what I think I’m going to get out of it. All I know is that I absolutely adore writing it. It brings me great joy and fulfillment. I like laughing and I love making other people laugh. I like sharing my bizarre short stories and not so good poetry. Also, I really like for lots of people to read it. Like a lot. I don’t know why that matters. It just does.
Blogging is like crack. And if lots of people read your blog then that makes your blog like the most expensive kind of crack. And you totally get hooked on it, and then all of a sudden you don’t get any views and it sends you into detox. And I don’t want to detox from blogging, ok people?! Stop trying to send me into blogging detox by not reading my blog. I like my blog addiction. Please make it sweeter by visiting my blog lots and lots. The more you do, the funnier I will try to be. And I can be pretty funny when I try.
I don’t want to sound desperate. But I am. I am desperate for more blog readers. I am also very self-aware. So, if you like self-aware humor then you should read this blog. If you like desperation, you should read this blog. If you are male, you should read this blog. If you are female, you should read this blog. If you are a robot, you should read this blog. Please read my blog- 0therwise my feelings will get hurt. And when my feelings get hurt, I’m not so funny. Actually, I’m funnier- but that is beside the point.
Just read my blog. Ok? Please? Thank you. Really, thank you for reading!