Do These Things or My Advice Column Post

Whenever you hear the song “if you’re happy and you know it…” you should always clap your hands. If you weren’t happy then clapping will make you happy. Or get out a little aggression depending on how hard you clap. Either way- it’s a win.

If you are anywhere near funnel cakes, stop and buy one. They are delicious and will make you feel like a child again.

Shave your head. Boy, girl, it doesn’t matter. Liberate yourself from your hair. I mean, I totally won’t do this because I have a lumpy head so I can’t. You understand. But you should totally shave your head. In fact, you should feel sorry for me that I can’t shave my head because you get a bigger share of liberation than I do.

Write a blog. It makes you feel really good. Except when for no reason whatsoever nobody visits your site and then you feel really bad about yourself and your writing. But then the next day lots of people visit and your faith in yourself is restored. Really, it’s like a roller-coaster.

Pretend things. Don’t lie to people because I heard that if you are a liar, liar, then your pants catch on fire. So you definitely don’t want to lie. But sometimes, when you are alone pretend something. I like to pretend that my blog is so clever and funny that one day BBC radio 1 contacts me and begs me to move to London so I can have a weekly radio show and then I do and everybody loves my radio show and happiness ensues. This pretend is just a warm-up to the really big pretending but I can’t tell you about those pretends because I don’t want you to steal my imagination.

Dance a lot. Like a whole lot. To whatever kind of music you want. Even if you’re just sort of jumping around it will make you feel really good. Also, it’s great exercise. My advice is really good for your health.

Use post-its. They are one of the best inventions ever created. They come in lots of colors and keep you organized. I love post-its. If I’m having a really bad day I will write myself a note on a post-it and it’s like getting a kiss from a neon colored angel. Just like that.

Laugh at people you don’t like. Probably not to their faces because then you might start an “altercation” but when they aren’t around totally laugh at them. Instead of dwelling on how angry/frustrated/annoyed/fill-in-the-blank-emotion they made you, just laugh at them. It’s like in Harry Potter when boggarts turn into something you are afraid of and then the way you defeat them is to turn them into something funny and laugh at them. Laughter is how you defeat your enemies too. Pretty much all life lessons come from Harry Potter.

There will be much much more advice. Feel free to ask me any lingering questions about life you may have- I am super good at answering them. I can only make your life better. I will make your life better. Repeat after me, “Girl on the Contrary makes my life better.”

So to end- ” If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!” (You better be clapping).

11 thoughts on “Do These Things or My Advice Column Post

  1. Good idea re post-it angel kisses. It sent me into a fit of imagination, thinking about what a neon angel would look like. Something out of Blue Man Group? I think the pale yellow post-its would be like getting a kiss from bureaucracy. Dislike pale yellow.

    Great blog, you’re pretty funny.

  2. felicia says:

    This is fantastic advice! I also find that smiling manically when I am not happy actually makes me happy. I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who dances (although it’s more like jumping and definitely off-beat) all the time. And my family looks at me funny when I start dancing… Pft what do they know?

  3. Ghetto_Philosopher says:

    I like funnel cake. I laugh at everyone including myself. I use laughing at myself to disarm people from my laughing at them. I’m starting to leave lots of comments but I won’t stop because I’m stubborn.

  4. hahaa this made me laugh, i just had the biggest rant to one of my friends, and felt like toal shite, but this cheered me up, so thank you xD im going to take your advice and start writing properly on my blog and dance :L

  5. hahahaha love it. there’s no reason not to be happy after that post! but I clapped anyway. agreed on the blogs–they do make you happy! And I’ve always wanted to shave my head…is that weird? anyway, great writing!!
    -kate

  6. okay, just so you know…i clapped. i was already happy but now feel that much happier for clapping in my kitchen with no one else home and my chihuahua and cat wondering what the hell i’m clapping about. cuz i’m happy, ya know? thanks for a cool post. ~heather

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