Austin City Limits is one of my absolute favorite things. Every fall a ton of gifted musical acts gather to perform for three days in Austin, Texas. It is magical. This is something I have been attending for years. It has all of the talent of SXSW without the pretension and annoying people walking down the middle of Congress acting like they don’t know there is a line of 100 cars waiting for them to move so they can continue driving. Anyway….I really love ACL.
I have done something terrible though. Something that ACL will never forgive me for. I’m not sure what it was but it had to have been really really bad. How do I know I did something really really bad? Because Austin City Limits has loved making my musical life unbearably difficult for the past several years by scheduling at least two of my favorite acts at the same time. They are obviously trying to get back at me for something. They want to hurt me. They are succeeding.
This year it’s M.I.A. and Muse on Saturday night. Same time. It hurts to write it. I have loved both of these acts for years. When I saw the line-up for this year and bought tickets I never thought I would have to choose between them. How can I? I’m so sorry for whatever I did ACL. I really am. Please, please forgive me. I am literally down-on-my-knees begging you to reschedule. I need to see them both. I might die if I have to choose. I absolutely will die if I have to choose. I mean, whatever I did to deserve this can’t have been so bad that you would wish for my death. Right? Right!?
Last year I had to choose between the Kings of Leon and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. And it really hurt me. Hurt me deep. I went with Kings of Leon and they were brilliant. Beyond amazing but I will always feel a little bit sad that I haven’t seen the Yeah Yeah Yeahs live. I mean, they probably had an amazing set at ACL. I don’t know. I will never know. And even if I see them live somewhere else, I will never have seen them live at ACL. You can probably hear the violins playing in the background of this post- and also the thunder-like sound of my heart breaking. You like that kind of music ACL? How about tears? You like the sound of those? Because I am planning on calling you and leaving you lots of messages that are comprised of nothing more than my ugly sobbing. I am your psycho ex-girlfriend ACL. The more you hurt me, the more I stalk you and send you dead roses and maybe set fire to your house- I don’t know- it all depends on how bad you continue to try and hurt me. I can’t be held responsible for my actions. This is on you ACL. And no jury would convict me. Probably.
I digress. What I mean to say is I am so sorry. I am so very, truly, deeply, sorry for whatever I did that made you want to hurt me this way. I will literally do anything for you to reschedule Saturday performances, please don’t make me choose between M.I.A. and Muse. Please. Pretty please. Remember all the good times we’ve had over the years? Remember how faithful I have been in attending? That has to mean something to you. Think of all the good times ACL- think of the good times and reschedule.