Finally, my long awaited plan for world peace is about to be unveiled. The time for holding your breath is over! In a nutshell my plan for world peace is this- more back rubs less war.
I know what you’re thinking- this plan is BRILLIANT. You are probably really jealous you didn’t think about it. Don’t fret, I worked really hard and had many, many massages before I finally solved this problem.
There would me much less war if people got more back rubs. It’s so simple and so complex. Think about it- back rubs are so relaxing and I’m pretty sure getting back rubs releases endorphins that make you feel really happy and less war-raging. If someone is getting their back rubbed then they are probably not picking up a gun and killing someone. How many people throw grenades when they are relaxed? The answer is zero. Zero people throw grenades after a back-rub because they are so relaxed and happy. Duh. A lot of this is just common sense.
It’s important to note that there are good back-rubs and bad back-rubs. Good back-rubs stop wars. Bad back-rubs start wars. Make sure all your back-rubs are good. I don’t want this theory to backfire on me.
All that’s left to think about is what I will say in my Nobel Peace Prize speech. You are welcome world.
This post is dedicated to a dear friend of mine who kept me sane during college with weekly back-rubs. I love you!