Charlie Saved My Life. For Real.

I have a friend named Charlie. He has the best analogies for everything. Charlie legitimately saved my life the other day. So, it’s like, superb analogies and life-saving abilities??? This guy is probably some sort of prophet.

I was walking in the parking garage of our office (because not only is Charlie a friend he is also a co-worker) when out of nowhere this car going about 40mph (which is really fast in a parking garage) came speeding right down the lane I was about to walk into. I didn’t notice this speeder but, thankfully, Charlie did and pulled me back just in time to not die. At first I was like, Charlie you hurt my arm by grabbing and pulling it so hard, and then I was like, Oh, you totally just saved my life. Thanks Charlie! It was pretty dramatic and though Charlie said he only saved me because good Search Analysts are hard to find I would like to think it’s because he would just really miss these blog posts if I died. So, Charlie saved my life and now I owe him one….

Or so you would think. Really we are even. Not because I saved Charlie’s life before (I’m not a superhero) but because Charlie owed me big time. What did Charlie owe me for, you might ask? Let me tell you. Charlie tricked me into writing a blog about masturbation. True Story.

Some of you may be familiar with the Seinfeld episode where they talk about “mastering their domain“. Go ahead and giggle for a minute while you remember. I, however, was not familiar with this or any other episode of Seinfeld. As such, I wrote a blog about how people/companies should take control and optimize their website domains. Honestly, it’s good SEO advice. I asked Charlie to proofread this untitled blog. He did. Then I asked him for any advice on the title, to which he promptly replied “Master Your Domain.” I thought Charlie was a genius. I just knew this was going to be my best company blog ever. Just so you know, Charlie was well aware of this Seinfeld episode. He practically has it memorized so he knew exactly what he was doing the entire time. Diabolical. To make matters much, much, worse I added a picture to this blog. I can’t find that picture right now-maybe they blocked it from the entire internet because of the uproar using it in my blog caused. This picture was a hand grasping a URL. I thought this was an excellent demonstration of taking control of your domain. When viewed through the context of masturbation, however, it looks like a man sexually assaulting a URL. Charlie knew all of this and still he let me post that blog- on my company’s blog. Well, let me tell you, that blog got mad traffic. For weeks, I thought I was a stellar writer. As it turns out, people just Google Seinfeld masturbation jokes a lot. Finally, one of my other co-workers clued me in to the joke. When read with masturbation in mind, I wrote what is perhaps the most filthy and inappropriate SEO blog of all time. So at least I have that. As soon as I found out about Charlie “The Mastermind”  and his cruel yet hilarious set-up I vowed my revenge.

That was 1 year ago. Unfortunately he saved my life 1 week ago. Now we are even and there will be no revenge had. Probably. Or there might be like a little revenge because, come on, how much can my life really be worth?

Lessons learned

1. Don’t ever let Charlie help you with a blog post.

2. Always go to Charlie for good analogies.

3. Always walk with Charlie in parking garages.

4. Contemplate not seeking revenge for blog post.

5. Charlie would have been a hero had he not tricked me into writing a blog post about masturbation.

Now that I think about it, someone who would trick someone else into writing a blog post about masturbation is probably not a prophet. No matter how good his analogies are. Or is he????????

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