There has to be something in between, right? Right? I’m not too sure. Like, maybe it used to exist but it doesn’t anymore. I’ve been witness to some very happy relationships (my parents first and foremost) but all of those relationships are from generations before mine. I think maybe my generation got totally screwed out of the in-between.
And maybe I don’t have the perfect research sample because most of my generation are still trying different relationships out. Maybe the in-between comes later in life. All I know for sure is that it seems like among my friends and peers (with very few exceptions) I see two kinds of relationships – high drama or I don’t care.
These couples are fighting, breaking-up, getting back together, yelling, laughing loudly, very affectionate, not speaking, always have some type of crisis, love each other, hate each other, jealous, worried, and perpetually “defining the relationship” (Ah, the DTR- perhaps I will delve into this little gem in another post) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE? How can two people have the kind of energy it takes to maintain this relationship? How do they survive it? I would be flat-on-my-face exhausted everyday if I had this type of relationship. Seriously, who can be bothered? And why do so many people of my generation thrive off of this type of relationship? It’s like they need the drama to survive.
I blame Disney and Sex and the City equally. 50/50 I am pointing one finger at each of them.
Disney- listen you guys have totally screwed us up forever with your happy musically spectacular love stories. Shame on you. Now, every girl I know believes that her boyfriend has to overcome some impossible feat like slaying a dragon, killing a witch, resurrecting her with a magical kiss, or plucking her up out of slavery to a life of royalty, in order to be her one true love. Also, I noticed that all of the “princesses” as they are called (by the way we aren’t all princesses, which, I have to admit, came as quite the nasty shock to me) are actual for shiz princesses. And if they weren’t born a princess then they became one through marriage Lesson learned: When I get married I become a princess. And I refuse to get married until my love slays the witch/dragon from Sleeping Beauty (also, most people do NOT look beautiful when they wake-up.) Screw you Disney. Thanks for giving me unrealistic expectations about love. Now I’m really messed up and have to spend thousands of dollars on a therapist. You owe me money. Also, I really like your movies.
On to Sex and the City…..J’Accuse! There was a time when I for real started taking all of the problems that Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte had and implementing them in my relationships. You might notice I left Samantha out- I was at least wise enough to know that nobody(seriously nobody) in real life has those type of relationship problems- and I have some slutty flirtatious friends. Every girl I knew in college thought she was a “Carrie” or a “Miranda” or a “Charlotte”. Guess what, and maybe you should sit down for this, none of us are any of them. Really. This former “Carrie” is speaking from experience. The relationship problems those fabulous women had literally could not have had less relevance to my actual relationships. Oh, but I thought they did. I thought they were my relationships. I was questioning my relationships based on that weeks episode of Sex and the City. And I know I wasn’t the only one.
And I’m not just picking on girls here- the fellas have been equally screwed by Disney and Sex and the City. They aren’t comfortable in the prince charming role but they force themselves to try and play it because they think that is how it’s supposed to be- they think that is what girls want. Or they think that every girl on the planet is going to spend a years worth of salary on shoes and so they feel pressure to get high paying jobs to afford to support our shoe habits (ok, most girls do have shoe habits, myself included, but we are also wise enough to know that if we don’t have a spare $700 laying around then those Louboutins are not an option) they also seem to think that in order for relationships to be healthy they have to drama. I have literally heard one of my guy friends advise another that he better end his relationship because they “never fight” which obviously had to mean they were not meant to be together. WHAT??? Apparently, not fighting means a failed relationship to my generation. We are all DOOMED.
I Don’t Care
This one is a bit trickier. Because it’s comfortable and pleasant and no drama. It is also convenient. Convenient but lacking in romance and love. This is the relationship that if it ended tomorrow wouldn’t really bother you. You don’t care that much about it. Sure, you care about they person. They are nice and sweet and easy to get along with. They just don’t inspire you romantically. Kissing them is whatever. You can see them or not, it isn’t that big of a deal. If they cancel a date- you aren’t fussed. They are a friend that you happen to call boyfriend/girlfriend. You continue the relationship because you don’t want any drama and this relationship is certainly drama free. The polar opposite of the “high drama” relationship this is also an unacceptable alternative to the in-between that seems so elusive.
I blame this relationship attitude on families and friends. Yes, I am pointing my finger at all of you. Your family and friends say things like “but you are such good friends…” and “at least you know you can trust him/her…” or “boys and girls aren’t ever only friends, there have to be deeper feelings there…” They aren’t trying to be pushy, I’m sure, but they slowly manage to convince you that that person, though they don’t spice your chili, is the right person for you. No! If your chili isn’t spiced by the person you are in a relationship with (and by this I mean they enrich your life) then they probably should remain just a friend. This is the option a lot of my peers turn to because they hate the “high drama” relationships but again, I have to keep asking, isn’t there something in-between???!!!
I can’t say much about this. Talking about the in-between is like trying to give an accurate account regarding the personality traits of unicorns. My guess is rainbows and sunshine on both accounts but I really don’t have any proof. I will let you know if I find some. Also, I will let you know if I ever meet a unicorn, because, hey- it’s a UNICORN.