We all know about Cinderella, Rudy, and The Miracle on Ice (if you don’t know, this is when the United States defeated communism with hockey). These are all classic tales of the underdog. They had no chance of success or happiness but then they worked really hard, or had a fairy godmother, or were supported on the shoulders of political propaganda and they somehow against all odds achieved their goals. Yay world! But can we really still call them underdogs? I mean they were underdogs but after nabbing the prince, playing for Notre Dame, and winning an Olympic gold medal you can’t really consider them underdogs anymore.
Today, I would like to highlight some not as familiar underdogs who remained underdogs. Those who because of overwhelming odds were never able to reach their full potential. I want to give recognition to real underdogs.
1. Did you know Popeye the Sailor Man had nephews? I didn’t until yesterday. Their names are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and… wait for it….Poopeye. Seriously. Poop-eye. I mean the kid never had a chance. Imagine when he grew-up and was interviewing for jobs…
Poopeye: Hello sir, my name is Poopeye.
Employer: Is this a joke?
Employer: Get out.
Poor thing, he probably never got a job and then ended up homeless and addicted to crack cocaine because it was the only thing that could possibly make him forget his name was Poopeye. How much does your Mother have to hate you to name you Poopeye? This is a true underdog story, take note Cinderella.
2. ‘Z’ is the least used letter in the English language. This is just plain tragic. Even ‘Q’ who can’t go anywhere without it’s clingy girlfriend ‘U’ looks down on ‘Z’. Last in the alphabet and last in language. So, in honor of ‘Z’ who I don’t believe gets enough credit for anchoring the alphabet, I am going to use as many words with the letter ‘Z’ as I can today. Also, I think we don’t use the word pizzazz enough and I know it would make ‘Z’ feel so much better if we all tried to incorporate it into our vocabulary. And use jazz hands more often because there are two ‘Z’s’ in it and also the letter ‘Z’ really likes broadway musicals and showy displays of personality.
3. There is a type of jellyfish that is immortal. Well, at least theoretically immortal, they can still be killed or die of disease but if neither of those things happen then they will live forever and ever. Most people would say there is no way this jellyfish is an underdog but I disagree. They have to reach sexual maturity and then revert back to infancy. It’s like no more curfew, dating whoever they want, drinking beer with other invertebrates and then -WHAM- back to breast feeding and nap taking. They taste freedom and then have it yanked away from them. I don’t know if their memory stays with them but I hope it doesn’t because then they have to live all their lives with all the pain from their previous lives and it’s like, hey man, when does the cycle of sorrow end? I mean they probably have seen some pretty messed up stuff in all that time and then they just have to relive it indefinitely or until they are murdered or infected with something. I feel sorry for them. And then I thought, *lightbulb* maybe that’s why they sting people so that we can feel just a little bit of the pain they feel every day. But then I thought about how I really don’t condone acting out violently against others just because you have had rough time of life. Still an underdog though. That’s a lesson learned today, just because you’re immortal doesn’t make you immune to being an underdog. (Note: Yes, I know I personified this jellyfish but I don’t think that really matters because, hey, immortal jellyfish.)
Are you an underdog? Well, then all I can say is I hope you are more like Cinderella than Poopeye.
Happy National Iced Tea Day! That’s right UK- we take our tea with ice. In your face.