I had a pedicure today. It was wonderful- except for the part where the other people in the nail salon were behaving inappropriately. This made it clear to me that I must, must, compile a list of pedicure etiquette. Because ya’ll have bad manners. Really bad manners.
1. Do not speak on your telephone when there are other people in the chairs next to you. I don’t care about your life. Actually, I do care about your life, just not when I am getting a pedicure. When I am getting a pedicure I want to relax. I don’t want to hear about your stressful week. I had a stressful week as well- which is why I am getting a pedicure, duh. Zip it, please. Seriously. Zip it.
2. I love kids. I really do. When I am getting a pedicure, however, and they are running around the nail salon and stealing my nail color, and yelling/crying, I don’t love kids. I want them to go away and I want my bright pink nail polish back. Right now.
3. Don’t be rude to your pedicurist. If you want something adjusted then ask politely- don’t be a pompous ass- as if you know you could do it better. You couldn’t. Be nice. It’s just common human decency. Common human decency is when you don’t say things like “Listen, I don’t know what country you went to nail school in, but here in America, we don’t tear people’s feet up.” That statement is the opposite of common human decency.
4. If your feet are funky tip your pedicurist extra. This also falls under common human decency.
5. Usually there are TVs on. Usually they are on some type of news channel. This does not mean I want to talk politics with you. I don’t want to talk about politics with you. I didn’t choose the channel. If it were up to me, the TVs would be showing Audrey Hepburn movies. It isn’t up to me though so they are all on news stations. Please read the ticker to yourself and voice your thoughts at a later place and time. I mean it, I do not want to talk about politics while I am having a heavenly foot massage. Also, why do you?
6. That pale yellow polish just makes it look like you have toe fungus. Accept that.
That is all I’ve got right now. Do you need more? I think I pretty much covered it, though if anyone else has any other pedicure etiquette tips please feel free to share. Pedicures are about relaxation and proper foot care. Enjoy pedicures and let those around you enjoy theirs. That’s all.